Episode 3: Meeting People

In Episode 3 of The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast, Cristina offers insights on how to meet new people, drawing from her personal decade-long dating experience. She emphasizes the importance of both online and in-person interactions, advocating for authenticity and self-confidence. Cristina suggests engaging in activities that align with your interests and future vision, utilizing meetup groups, and being proactive in social settings. Additionally, she highlights the importance of honest self-representation in online dating profiles, focusing on embracing your body and personality. The episode encourages a positive attitude towards being single and the dating process, aiming to help listeners develop communication skills and enjoy their journey toward finding a compatible partner.
Innovative Ways to Meet People While Enjoying Your Single Life

00:00 Introduction to The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast
00:43 The Importance of Meeting People
02:14 Meeting People in Real Life
04:55 Social Events and Hobbies
06:15 Going Out Alone
07:39 Utilizing Meetup Groups
14:39 Online Dating Tips
17:57 Body Positivity and Honesty
29:26 Final Thoughts and Encouragement
33:00 Conclusion and Farewell

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Transcript

Cristina: 0:00

You are listening to The Curvy Girl Dating Podcat, Episode 3: Meeting People. Hi, I'm Cristina. After 10 years of dating, I was tired of attracting the wrong type of guys and thinking I had to lose weight to find love. I finally figured out how to date and I found the love I thought I would never find each week. I'll teach you dating advice, share dating stories and help you ditch the dating drama. My goal is to help you have fun and create the life you love. If you're ready to take your dating to another level, then listen up and let's go. Hello everyone. Welcome to episode three. We're going to talk about meeting people today and how to meet people, when to meet people, when you're ready to meet people, all the things. So when you're single and dating, Step one is finding people. Where do you find people? I know a lot of people don't like to find people online, but that's where I met Ryan, but, that s not the only way. And honestly, I'm so pro meeting people in real life now than I used to be, cause I just thought like online dating was a great opportunity to expand out your market. You get the most reach when you're online dating, because there's so many people online. But whenever you're dating and meeting people in real life, it's very local most of the time. Your audience is smaller, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's a bad thing. I really think that embracing that smaller area and meeting people in real life. There's something great about it. I know that meeting people in general can be awkward or uncomfortable and maybe meeting people online is a little bit more safe for you and that's okay. Neither way is wrong, but I definitely think that being open to the possibility of meeting people in different areas is something to consider. So I'll talk about meeting people in real life. Cause I'm all excited about it now. Where do you meet people in real life? What do you like to do? First of all, think about where you want to meet people? Think about what you want your life to be when you have a partner. What will you guys be doing? Will you be walking in a park on Saturday morning? Will you be sleeping in and watching Saturday morning news or reading the paper and making breakfast, or what the hell is it that you want to do with your partner on weekends? Or where do you want to spend your time volunteering? Do you want to spend your time at church on the weekends? Do you want to spend your time in athletic groups or a softball team or whatever, just anything that you want to do. If that's your vision that you want to spend the life with your partner, then that's the area you need to go and find people. You don't want to wait to do all these things before you have a partner, because how the fuck are you going to find a partner if you don't go and do them? Y ou can't just be at home and be like,"Oh, I really wish I had a partner that would. go run marathons with me." Go run the damn marathon. I'm not trying to be a jerk, but I'm just saying, go do things in your life that you want to do right now with or without the partner. Go get it done and just go meet people and say,"Hi." The more you're around people, the more it's going to be easier for you to have conversations and talk to people. It's going to be more and more comfortable talking to people than if you're isolated at home, playing on Facebook and passing out with a bottle of wine and watching Seinfeld. I don't know anybody who's done that before. Definitely go out and try to make the effort to. Have those communication skills and those social skills to meet people because, it's not just about dates. It's about having those social skills so that you can go on dates and it's easier and it's not so traumatic or stressful to go on a date because you don't know what to say or how to talk to people. So there's a beauty in going out and enjoying your life, while you're single, so you can learn all these skills. Because, communication and learning how to be approachable is a skill. You can't go out and be invisible. That doesn't count as going out. If you're going out and you have your face down and you're in your phone and you're not focused and you're not looking at anybody, that doesn't count as going out. You can't say that you were just like,"Oh, I do all the things," cause, you might be, but it's not all the way. You're kind of half-ass thing and doing all the things. Meeting people. Go to social events. Like again, go to church and you like volunteering, or you can volunteer for habitat for humanity and go build a house. I don't care. Just find something that you have an interest in. Festivals, community gatherings. You can go to networking events for work. whatever industry that you're in, if there's some kind of social event that you can meet people, go to it. I'm not advocating to go find somebody at work. Cause I don't believe in shitting where you sleep. To each their own, but that's just not for me. It's not a recommendation for me. But I do believe there are networking events that have people in the similar industry than you, maybe, work somewhere else that you can meet and get to know and all that stuff. Hobbies and clubs. My neighborhood has so many events. In a couple of weeks, they're going to do a mixology class. That might be fun to go to and learn how to make cocktails, and maybe you'll find somebody there. They have, pool events like where you can go watch movies. Bring a friend that has kids and take them and then look for hot dads. You just gotta be creative, man. I'm just saying. Going to places that your future self is envisioning your relationship be like. That's what you gotta do. Another thing is going out alone. Totally okay. I know going out alone is sooo uncomfortable. But the more you go, the easier it is. The more you meet people, the more you have friends that you'll create while you're going out. And then you're not really going out alone all the time, because you have at least some acquaintances to go out and do things with. They don't have to be your best friends, but they can be your"hang out" people on the weekends, happy hour friends or something. Try something simple, like going to a movie. Nobody's going to see that you're alone. Nobody cares if you're alone, nobody's going to talk to you or talk about you. They're too busy watching a movie. So start with something simple like that, and when you get more comfortable, You can go out and talk to people. Then you have a whole bunch of movies that you could talk about when people ask you, what do you like to do?"I like to go to movies. My favorites are comedies," whatever. You just have something to talk about instead of,"I don't know, I just go to work and then I just come home and I play with my dogs and make dinner and then just clean my house and then I go to sleep and then I started all over again." Because trust me, I've been there too. It doesn't make people interested. And not saying that you have to be this like super important, like social person or anything, but come up with something that you like to do and talk about it. Another thing I would say, is utilizing meetup groups. There are specific groups that are specific to single people, and it's not even necessarily like to be matchy, find dates. It's just people that are solo that like to have interest in doing things, they go and they make friends,'cause they know that's everyone's single and they're just having a good time and they get it, cause some people don't get the whole being alone thing and going out. So when you have people that you're more comfortable around that are very comfortable being independent and going out to do things, then you feel more comfortable doing that and. It's better than when you're with your friends that have been married for four years, that don't know how to do anything by themselves. and can't even go to the grocery store to buy them damn selves. So being around people that are independent and like to do things, solo is really helpful. So meet up groups, there's like a meetup website. Sometimes they have neighborhood potlucks, they have cooking classes. Putt putt, golf event or whatever. but they have groups of people that want to go do stuff. In Houston, there is one membership. It's called a events and adventures. And I don't know too much about it, but I know it's like a solo group thing where you go and do things like go hiking. They have different events obviously, and adventures obviously. So you have this membership and then you pay and you go out and you do things with these people and I think you get like discounts or something, since you are part of that group. But that way you can branch off and meet people and hang out with those people independently. And they don't have to be in the group all the time. So that's a great way to go meet people and again, it's not as anxious and not as, stressful because you know that these people are just like you. There's also one group, I think I mentioned it last week about going out to dinner with people. You're solo and you're going to go dine in with other solo people and it's an app I believe. There's an algorithm of people that they'll hook you up with somebody and you set a date and time. I don't know too much about it cause I haven't signed up for it, but I think it's a fabulous idea. It's another creative way to meet people that are like you, that are independently going out. So there's something to be said about all of those groups. They're out there for a reason. If you don't want to do the online dating thing, but you're online all the time or something. there are so many Facebook groups that you can join. Some of them are single, some of them are local. But they have different groups in your area that are specific for being single and then you can chat and sometimes there's probably drama in there, but that gives you a great perspective on who is full of drama and who isn't. So you can check it out before and see what people are writing. People are saying before you can X people out and be like,"You've caused a lot of problems. I don't think so." That is a great way to meet people'cause I'm sure that you're going to see those people on Tinder or hinge or whatever website you go to online date. I'm sure going to see those people in there, so then you get a little bit more in depth of who they are and how they are in public. So it's not like your internet stalking. It's just that you happen to see the same person that happens to be on the same, social group that you are. It doesn't mean that you're being a creeper. Unless you are being a creeper, but don't do that. Do Facebook groups of shit you like to do. Just whatever you have interest in and where you might have a chance of having conversation with people and talking. You can't always go into those groups and just stay silent because again, that's part of being invisible. So you can't say."Hey, I'm doing all the things I'm in all of these groups and social media groups. I do all these, Events and whatever." But if you're staying invisible or like you have online profile, but you have one picture and you don't write anything and then you don't get on it and you forget that you have it. That's not doing all the things. So be honest with yourself on what all the things mean. First of all. That's like the thing that those are just my opinions on meeting people in real life. I've said it a million times, one way that I have met people in real life was by going to a bar and reading a book. I don't, it's not like I go on a Friday night when I was freaking busy as hell. I go like for lunch and I'll order something to eat and I'll have a beer and I read my book and it's not necessarily being invisible. It's just like gear, it's dropping the handkerchief because people don't always go to bars and read. And. Because it's unusual, people are going to approach you and be like,"Hey, what are you reading? Oh, you read it in a bar. How can you do that when there's so many people talking?" And just, oh, I don't really think there's that many people talking I'm really into this book. it's about, blah, blah, blah. Do you like books like that?" Whatever, but it's a conversation starter. Like I said, dropping the handkerchief. People are going to be curious and they're going to go ask you things and don't bring some weird ass book. Bring a book that is Safe that people aren't going to be like this girl is reading some weird shit. I don't know. So be again neutral. Don't be weird. I think I need to do a webinar on like how to not be weird and a creepo. There's going to be somebody who has your interest. Cause somebody wrote the book. So somebody has the same interests that you do. Grocery store. You meet the most people that are single at the grocery store right after work, because they go swing by and pick up something. Like in H-E-B, they got this single people section where they have like ready meals to go. it's like a TV dinner, but not frozen, it's fresh and a good meal. It's not like cooked and frozen, it's fresh and raw and you go put it in the oven and you cook a steak and asparagus or something, So I call them single people meals and that's a great place to go meet people. Just go to the grocery store and say hi to people. I talked about social media groups. And meeting people in real life. So they're two different things. meeting people in real life can be brought out by social media. going through social media as an avenue to go out and meet people in real life is a great way to do that. Also going to find people with the hobbies and interests that you like, just go to those things and you'll find people. The other thing is online dating. With online dating. you go get a profile, you take your pictures, you write your posts about your interest, but there's an algorithm and there's also a level of honesty. And I say this because it's a big lesson that I learned when I was online dating. So there's like a level of honesty of yourself. Not saying that you're lying, but like looking at yourself and being honest about who you are. There's a level of trust that you have to put in to making this profile. One example for me is not being honest with myself, maybe? My weight, my body shape, right? Like the size. What is it? Size 14 is an average body size now? Size 14 is The average size that people wear now. So, I would be like"I'm a 16, so I'm pretty close to the average, so I'm average." Unfortunately that's not really the"standard" that people believe. I'm not saying that there anybody sitting there with a measure and telling you whether you're average or not average. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and everything's relative. So you might think that your average other people might not, whatever, it doesn't matter. Just. Put your pictures online, people are going to see it, but when it comes to those preferences, I would say sometimes I'd say I'm average and I'm probably a little bit on the BBW side. And I would be like,"I don't want to put"curvy or BBW" because I don't want," I don't even know if people say BBW anymore. Y'all tell me, send me a message. but if that's who I am, and that happens to be the shape of my body, there's not a shame for that. Like I'm putting myself in the body preference that people want to find. So if I don't give in to the societal beauty standards and I don't put myself in the right body preference category, then I'm going to be in the wrong audience with people that aren't going to want my body type. Another thing for me too, was I would put my preference as athletic. I did Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. I would run, I would do strength training. I was very active and, strong, but I was overweight. Even though I considered myself athletic. I would lift and stuff like that. And a strength and conditioning coach. Just fabulous. I was strong but unfortunately, some people don't believe that my body shape was athletic. That's not the"societal norm," but there are athletic people of all different sizes, there really are, and there's nothing wrong with that. It's just the thing. I hate that. That's how it goes, unfortunately I wish even body type wasn't even a preference. I wish that it would just be not even there because people see they have eyes. But I can understand how it can narrow down your preferences and what you're looking for, if you do that. So I see it in both ways, right? The whole point of that is to not be bothered about who you are. You just have a freaking body. And that's just what it is. You don't need to worry about it. Somebody's gonna like it. Somebody is going to have that preference. Just like you might have a preference on somebody else's body type. Some women don't like skinny guys, some women don't like short guys, some women don't like tall guys, some women don't like big guys or husky guys or muscular guys. So it's a freaking preference. I'm just saying like you can't. Be all fucking worried about what people are thinking about you, because you just have a body and you have preferences just like they do. So just because they have a preference that isn't what you are. It doesn't mean you did anything wrong or there's something wrong with you. They're just not the right freaking person. But anyways, online dating, be honest about your freaking body type is just what it is. It's nothing to have drama about. The only reason that you're having drama about it is because you're thinking that it's a problem. Your body isn't a problem is just a body. Going online and doing your photos. Don't do the crazy angles where your arm is go-go gadget, arm super long and tall and on the top of your head where the angle is like, you can't see your body. Those are really great photos, but it's a waste of a photo because they're not giving a great representation of you. It might look great, but it's not necessarily a dating profile, friendly photo. Guys are catching on to that angle. Okay. So when they see that they already have negative thoughts about that angle. Just don't play that anymore. Just. Take some damn pictures of you that look like you that are current put any within six months, put pictures and then, in six more months. But some more pictures because it changes, the algorithm every single time you edit your dating profile it. puts you in a different mix and changes at the algorithm. So put current pictures of who you are, get an honest representation of who you are, because again, your body, isn't a problem until you decide and you think that it's a problem. So if you just have a body and you can love your body too, I'm not saying just keep it neutral. But loving your body and accepting who you are and being confident in your own skin and doing all these things. I know there's a lot of progress to get to that point. Depending on where you are in your body acceptance. But. It's just a body. Just be honest about who you are and be the best version of you that you can be. In the body that you have, and don't give a damn because that's who you are. It's going to just weed out people that you don't need to talk to. And it's the good news because why do you want to talk to people that are going to talk shit, or you're going to go on one date and it's going to be, really uncomfortable and you're gonna be nervous and you're going to get all excited, and then you're going to have that thought like,"oh, I wonder if he's going to be disappointed in what I look like." If you put your pictures up that were normal. Then he's not going to be disappointed what you look like,'cause he has eyes and he can see what you look like already. You don't have to apologize or make sure it's okay," Oh, it's okay. That I'm fat, right?" You don't need to say that shit. Like you don't like, it brings up insecurities and it shows that you're already uncomfortable. Put that shit in say it to yourself. But you don't need to go and ask permission about who you are in your body. You just don't. So put that shit to the side. Putting pictures, being current, going on dates, put something interesting in a profile, put things that are open-ended maybe,"oh, this is the photo of me on my vacation to Nashville. Do you like country music? What have you ever been to Nashville before?" And you don't have to like Country music to go to Nashville. Keep those open-ended questions in your profile. So, if they do read the damn profile, which sometimes they do, and sometimes they don't, but if you're looking for somebody who does read profiles, You're giving them bait to go and ask you questions, and they'll be like,"No, I've never been to Nashville. What did you think about it? No, I haven't been Nashville, but I've been to Elvis Presley's house or I've been to Dollywood." It's giving you an opportunity to open up the doors to have people message you. So be interesting. All kinds of ways to meet people. So you can't just be like, oh my God, dating is so hard. It is hard. It's supposed to be hard because you're going to find a freaking partner that you want to hang out with for the rest of your damn life. So it's hard to find that person. It doesn't have to be easy, but it doesn't have to be hard either. You can go and find the person that you want to hang out with for fricking ever. Not everybody wants that. some people have the preference of dating casually or dating for right now and there's no problem with that. The only reason I talk about dating to find the person that you want forever is because that's what my preference was, and that's what I was trying to do, but it doesn't mean that's who I only talk to or anything. Everybody has their own thing and that's totally cool and you're not wrong. You're just living the life that you want and that's the choice that you're making. I happen to talk about getting married because that's just what I was looking for. But again, if you're looking for a right now partner, you can find your right now partner, but it's not going to be that all that easy sometimes because, you're right now partner is just as important as any other kind of partner because you're going to hang out with them and you don't want them to be boring or if you're boring, that's cool too. No, but you want them to be like you or you want them to, mesh with you and be a good fit. Regardless of they're just like you, or they're not, they could be opposite and still be a good fit, but it's going to take time and it's going to take effort. You just keep trying, don't be afraid to approach people, please. You can go and read people's profile and say things to and say,"Hey, I like your shirt." That's how Ryan messaged me. He said,"I like your shirt." And I said,"thank you." We still talk and we still are together after four years. It all started with,"I like your shirt. Even if he has some ugly ass shirt, but you want to talk to him. Telling you like his shirt, just so you can start a conversation that might be his favorite shirt. Be approachable. Be able to approach people. You don't have to wait. It doesn't mean anything about you if you go and message somebody first, You can be bold and you can go and say hi to people. You can ask people in dates and maybe that's not what you want to do, but you can, it's an option out there for you. And that's in real life too. It's not just messaging people. You see somebody,"oh my God. I love your shirt," again, they could be in real life and have some ugly ass shirt on, but if you want to talk to them, you can do that. Or just be like,"I need some help at the grocery store and I need something that's high that I can't reach." They can do that for you."Oh, thank you so much. I really appreciate it." Whatever. Just you've got to figure things out. it's dropping the handkerchief. Find something that you can do, whether you're approaching it or you're like trying to create something and it might not work. It might be a fail. Maybe if you're like,"Hey, I can't reach this. Can you help me?" and they might just grab it and give it to you and look away and not even talk to you or anything. So it is the same equivalent as DM-ing somebody on a online profile and then they don't message you back."Alright, so they didn't message me back." It's not the freaking into the world. There's just so many different things that you can do to communicate with people, to approach people, to enjoy your life and go do things that you actually love and make new friends. And you might not want friends, but it's helpful to have some people to go to that can hook you up with somebody. You got to extend your reach instead of just being at home and not doing shit, hanging out with your dogs, or your cats or whatever, go to the dog park. That's another option that you can do. My ADD brain is going crazy. But you want to go walk? Cause you like having walks, go on a freaking walk. You don't have to have a dog, but if you want somebody with dogs or a dog lover, go out to the dog park, go walk your dog in the evening time, but do things that you enjoy, live your freaking life. and be out there and be present. It's just. It's just helpful. Combining your online efforts and your in real life efforts and your social media efforts extends your reach even more than if you're just focusing on one area. You don't have to do that. You don't have to be the social butterfly. because it's probably a lot. But, slowly getting into things. You might find success better one way than the other. But, just consider that you have options to meet different people and if you're meeting a whole bunch of jerks online and that's not working don't go online or figure out what's the common thing about these people that you're meeting that are not good matches and don't match with those people anymore. Those are going to be your red flag people, or your,"I'm not interested" people. If you start chatting with somebody, your goal of chatting with people is to get a date. Okay. So when you have this little pen pal, I call them,"how's the weather guys" that every morning they're like,"Hey, good morning. It's really cold outside," and only talk about the freaking weather and then you have to carry on a conversation to make it keep going; you don't want to work that hard. It's a two-way street. How's the weather guy" is boring,.You're not gonna get anywhere and you're not gonna find any type of conversation by people that say the same shit and asked you the same three questions every damn day. You know, just because they said good morning, good night text doesn't mean that their winners are like there. You're the best people, because they think about you. Y'all need to catch onto that too, just like they catch onto our photos. Being. open to trying out things and seeing what works and what doesn't work,. Being single and actively dating and actively trying to find what you're specifically looking for, whether it's the dating for right now, dating to have fun, dating for a long-term relationship, whatever that might be it takes effort. Your life is short. You don't want to waste your time on some people that you don't enjoy being around. If they're boring, keep it moving. Just,"Sorry. We don't have a lot of interests that are the same, so gotta go." Whatever you need to do to find somebody that might be a better match. Don't waste your time talking to five people that suck online. Go find one person that doesn't suck. Anyways, I feel like I'm"triggered" by the 10 years of dating that I went through. And that's the reason I'm a dating coach is because It was a long, hard, 10 years of being single. I had all these emotions and I was all over the place. I want people to take the shortcut and not have to figure these things out. I'm trying to give you the cliff notes of all the sucky parts so that you can just get to the point and get what you want a lot faster than making the same mistakes over and over and over again. So just an FYI on that. I'm a little spicy tonight and that's okay. It's the truth. It's how I feel. It's really in love that I'm sharing this with you, because again, that is. How I felt when I was dating. I was single for 10 years, and I want people who are single and dating to have a great experience. I don't want them to feel miserable. I don't want them to hate themselves. I want you to enjoy your life and enjoy dating and enjoy just, being in the circumstance that you are. If you're single it's not a problem, it's just as great Being single doesn't show your worth. It doesn't mean that you're less than somebody or you're more than somebody. So just know that, being single isn't the end of the world. It's just as fabulous as any other kind of circumstance that you would have. I just wanted to get that off my chest because I know that I'm real passionate today. It's just because I just want the best for all you single ladies out there. And again, I talk a lot about being curvy and being plus sized and the struggles that I had and relating my weight to dating and why I was single. I had this big story in my head that I was single because I, was heavier because I was plus size and that just wasn't true. I really want you guys to understand that you are you and you're just as fabulous, but you got to show it. You got to believe that you're fabulous. You got to believe it, and no matter what you do, you just gotta have that vibe instead of having this vibe that sucks the life out of you because people are going to feel that energy. So if you have this negative energy that you're holding or some, anger or resentment that's just holding you back of enjoying your life, people are going to feel that, and they're going to sense it a mile away. Figure that out, and maybe you can hire a dating coach. or talk to a best friend Do something to solve that problem first. Before you start dating because you want to date feeling. 100%. Dating desperately or going into dates hating people already before you even show up, because you're like, oh they're not going to like me anyways. Don't let don't judge yourself for people. Let them make their own decisions, that is all I have to say for all of this today. Go meet people, try different ways to meet people and just be who you are. Enjoy your life, enjoy being single, enjoy the dating process. Thank you so much for listening. I look forward to having these podcasts every week. If you want to subscribe or leave a review? I'd really appreciate it. Thank you so much for following and have a great day.