Episode 4: The Best Damn Dating Profile

In Episode 4 of The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast, host Cristina Gonzalez, a dating coach for curvy women, provides comprehensive advice on creating an effective online dating profile. The episode covers various aspects including the importance of being honest about your preferences, answering profile questions that reflect your true intentions, and choosing appropriate and recent photos that accurately represent who you are. Cristina emphasizes using clear photos without filters, showcasing your interests and hobbies through secondary pictures, and writing a genuine 'About Me' section that aligns with your photos. Additionally, she advises updating your profile every few months to stay active in the algorithm and maintain a positive, open attitude during the dating process. Cristina also offers a free dating profile checklist available via her email list.

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Transcript

Cristina: 0:00

You are listening to The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast, Episode 4, The Best Damn Dating Profile.

Speaker: 0:10

Hi, I'm Cristina. After 10 years of dating, I was tired of attracting the wrong type of guys and thinking I had to lose weight to find love. I finally figured out how to date and I found the love I thought I would never find each week. I'll teach you dating advice, share dating stories and help you ditch the dating drama. My goal is to help you have fun and create the life you love. If you're ready to take your dating to another level, then listen up and let's go.

Cristina: 0:43

Hello everyone. My name is Cristina Gonzalez and I am the Curvy Girl Dating Coach. I am so excited about today's topic. We're going to talk about creating the best damn dating profile. Last week we talked about meeting people and we talked a lot about how to meet people in real life. And we did cover a little bit of how to find people online, but today we're going to go into a deep dive on how to create the right profile that's going to attract the more quality people for you instead of all of the people that are like the"How's the weather" guys that I talked about before. So to get started, the first thing you do when you get in there is you highlight your preferences, be honest about what you're interested in, who you're looking for. So after that, then they're going to start asking questions about you. In Bumble, for example, they ask questions that are aligned to find people in your algorithm that match you, right? For example, they might ask if you had to delete an app on your phone, what would be the app that you would delete and why, or they might ask, what is your five year plan or what's your favorite color or just different things, right? So the questions are a variety from easy lighthearted ones and deeper in thought more serious ones. So when you're answering these questions, think about the kind of person that you're looking for or what you're looking for in a relationship So if you really are looking for a long term relationship, that's exclusive and looking for something Long term or marriage or however, then answer the more serious questions. Don't be afraid to answer them because you want to make sure that you're finding the people that are looking for the same thing. So when you answer the"funny haha" questions, like,"what's your favorite color?" That's not getting into depth of the kind of people that you're looking for. So it works both ways. So the questions that you answer, they're going to see and match with you, and then same thing with you, you're going to see the people in the algorithm that answer similar questions to you instead of the more"funny haha" ones. If you are dating for right now, and you just want to casually have fun and meet people and go out and, have a great time and just make new friends. Then, you know, the"funny haha" ones might be a little bit more your speed because you're just looking for people, that are your right now people. And so neither one is wrong, it just depends on what you're looking for. So think about those questions that you're answering to get to know people and how they get to know you as well. So you answer all those questions and the next part they'll ask you about photos. Okay, usually, I don't know, you usually get like maybe six or eight photos or something and then you might be able to link your social media to it. You know, there's different varieties of things depending on the dating app that you choose. The very first thing you do is get your primary photo like a headshot, just your face and your shoulders. Make sure that you have a clear photo that doesn't have sunglasses on or you don't have those Snapchat filters or the ones that with the bunny ears or the little hearts on your cheeks and stuff like that. Like, come on. Those might be great and like fun, cute photos to have, but they're not dating profile. appropriate, you know, if you're trying to find somebody to get to know you and to see you and find you and be attracted to you. Hiding yourself with sunglasses and animated hats and stuff like that, is just, in my opinion, not the way to go. Also with hats, don't get something covering your face or, things that are going to not enhance the beauty of who you are. You want to show off who you are and what you look like, because that's going to be the first thing they see when they walk in to meet you in real life. So you want to portray that. If you have different hair, try to get yourself to have a profile picture with the same hair or mention it. you know, like I used to have long pink hair, now I have short brown hair. So if my photo happens to be one with my long pink hair, I would mention in the sub note,"Hey, this is my favorite picture of me when I had long pink hair, but I just recently cut it and now it's short and brown." You know, just to give people an idea. So you have your profile picture. It's clear, there's no filters, there's no editing of your face or your facial structure. You know, none of those beautifying kind of pictures. I know a lot of times we might tend to use those filters. Filters are fun and they're great to use in a different setting, but you don't want to completely redefine your face when you were finding somebody online. So that might be a great picture in other things, but it's not really the appropriate kind of photo for your dating site. So the less filters, the better. If you want to do a filter to enhance the color, great, but nothing to recreate your facial structure or nothing animated, like the Snapchat filters or whatever. So the next thing is the rest of your photos that you have. You want them to tell a story and you want these photos to show your interests, the things you love, your hobbies, things you want to do, just highlight who you are. So if you like going to wine tastings, find a picture of yourself at a winery or drinking a glass of wine. If you, like to go, I don't know why I always say, like to go run marathons, but let's say you like to do 5ks. If you want to go and run marathons and that's your thing and that's your hobby, that's what you do on the weekends, that's how you meet people, that's how you get your exercise, then you want to have a picture of that. Just highlight who you are and show photos that show the kind of relationship that you want to have. Even if you want to have a relationship where you're cozy hanging around with your dogs on a big old couch Then show a picture of that you and your dog hanging out like that drinking some coffee, watching TV or something, right? So you don't want to have you and your big, huge photo of your family reunion because nobody's going to go and look through that. You want to show who you are. You don't want to be hiding in a group. It's a waste of a photo. If you do a big ass group photo. Okay, because nobody's going to have time for that. Nobody cares that you have, 20 friends or family members, they're looking to get to know you. Make sure that there are pictures of you. If it's you and a friend and it's obvious that you could tell who you are. Great. No problem. But again, don't want to have these big groups of people where people have to guess and figure out, who you are and take five minutes on a picture. And then full body photo. again, last week I talked about that one tall angle where you put your arm as high as you possibly can and you go above your head and you only show like a downward angle. Great photo, but not the most appropriate photo for a dating site, right? Cause you want people to have a correct interpretation of what your body looks like. So put yourself out there. Don't be scared because it's who you are. Okay. You are who you are. You look like what you look like. Just show who you are instead of trying to be somebody else that you're not so that whenever you go to the date, then they're going to be like,"Oh, well, you don't look like your pictures," you know? Well, duh, because you're not showing who you are, so don't do that. be proud of who you are and what you look like. Show your full body photo with confidence of you doing something that makes you feel great. Put on a outfit that you love, that makes you just happy every time you put it on or confident and do a photo shoot with that. go out with your friend and bring some different outfits and spend a Sunday fun day going around town taking pictures of you looking interesting, I'm sure your best friend will not judge you and they're probably going to want to help you and get all the great photos for you. So that is a great way to find current pictures is to just have like a picture day with your best friend and go out on a Sunday fun day and just enjoy yourself, just taking pictures and being comfortable in your skin and being silly and goofy and just highlighting exactly who you are. So show off a full body picture of you and your favorites, you know, outfit that makes you feel great and just show off your curves and show off who you are. Don't, there's no need for you to hide behind anyone. You don't have to hide behind your purses or cross your arms or do anything to hide yourself because you're looking good. I promise you, somebody is interested in all that you've got, just like you would be attracted to somebody else. They're going to be attracted to you and you might not think so, but it's true. It's going to happen. So be yourself. Tell a story with your secondary photos basically is the point. Like you don't want to have photos that are a waste, that they're not going to show anything or tell anything about you. So then when you get to the profile, sometimes they let you have like a catchy headline. A lot of people put,"I'm the peanut butter to your jelly," or something like that. That's not exactly my favorite catchy headline, but you know, if it's yours, that's fine. My favorite thing is like a movie quote or like a TV show quote I love Seinfeld, for example, so if I had a catchy headline, mine might be,"these pretzels are making me thirsty," or something because people that are Seinfeld fans are going to get it and they're going to be attracted to that and be like,"Oh, haha, that's really funny." But if they don't understand and they're like,"well, that's dumb," then that might not be the person for you. You want to attract people with that catchy headline. That's kind of like a first thing. A lot of people put"must love dogs." So find something that you find is catchy, that's going to catch the attention of people that you are looking for. That's a great way to get people's attention at first, other than your first primary photo that you have. Again, when you are filling out your profile, like the about me section, use your photos to create the story. Like I was saying before, your photos want to create a story. So when you're talking in your about me section, reference your photos. If you have one that you went out of town,"I went tubing this summer in New Braunsfels," then it's highlighting that you like to go and out do things for the summer. Again, you might be at a winery, you want to show pictures of that, you might want to say,"some of the hobbies that I like are going to wine tastings. I love trying new wines. My favorite is Cabernet." So that way, you get to catch the attention of somebody and they can ask you questions. They can say when they're DMing you,"I like Cabernet too," or,"don't know much about wine, but I want to learn more." Different things like that. So you want to be able to create a story along with your pictures and you want to create open ended sentences that are going to catch people's attention and find a way to talk to you. You don't want to just be bland or short and not be able to catch their attention and be really interested in what you have to say. Describe the kind of relationship that you want, whether it's,"I just want to date casually. I want a long term relationship. I want to just have friends and get to know more people." Whatever it is that you are looking for in a relationship, identify it, be confident about what you're going to say. I know a lot of times I've said this a million times that I wrote,"I just want to meet new people and see what happens." Seeing what happens is lame. Okay. seeing what happens means no shit's going to happen. you're not going to get what you're looking for, or you're not going to get what you want. Period. Because seeing what happens, it doesn't show any kind of commitment. It's just like,"Oh, whatever." And you're not going to get people that want to see a relationship or want to see the same thing you are. So you have to create a vision of what you're looking for. Identify the kind of relationship that you want and be honest about it. every other couple months, rotate those photos, change up that story. And that's going to help with the algorithm to mix it up and put you in a new group of new people and give you some fresh faces. It's going to show that you're active in your profile and that you're changing things up. The algorithms of dating profiles really like that. Definitely keep up with making changes in your profile as needed, every few months for sure. When you're writing your"about me," don't write all your drama and your traumas about your last relationships. Those people are in the past. You're moving forward. You have already learned the lessons of the things that you don't like in relationships. There's no need for you to say,"I don't like cheaters. If you're a cheater, don't even bother to message me." Do you think that they're going to be like,"I identify as a cheater, let me not message her." No, that's just not how it works. I'm so sorry. The cheaters are going to message you anyways, because they really don't care that they're cheaters. It's just how it is. You've identified that for yourself. It's your responsibility to not include those people when you're sifting through your DMS. If you see that those people are there, you say,"no, no, thank you." You block them or you just get rid of them. They are not for you to look at anymore because you have already figured out and identified that they are people that are not for you. And sometimes you might have to talk to people and get to know them a little bit and listen to those red flags. So give yourself an opportunity to do that, but don't show up negative every single time show up with an open heart and have them be a fresh clean slate and then get to know them instead of already keeping this wall of judgment and waiting for them to say things that you don't like about them. It's just not going to give you the vibe of finding the right people. It's just not the right energy. So it's multiple things with all that kind of thing. It's first your attitude. Don't show up with this closed attitude that you're already tense and waiting to get people. You are looking for somebody. So Look for them. Don't push everyone away. Keeping that pushing vibe and getting everybody away from you is the opposite of what you're trying to do. So be open, everybody's their own person. Give yourself an opportunity to get to know them a little bit and decide. They're for you and you are interested in getting to know them more or they're just not for you and moving on from them. Don't keep them lingering and talking to them just to be nice. Be like,"no, thank you. I don't think that I'm interested. Peace, bye." You are responsible for finding the people that you want. It's a waste of characters to say,"I am really into this side of politics. So if you're not, then you're a terrible person." I mean, why? You can just say, this is the side of politics that I lean on and just be done with it. Then they can make a decision. You know, just don't be a hater on people that you don't even know yet. give them a chance to make their own decisions and you get to be a grown up and make your own decisions without being negative and weird. So, that's what I have to say about that. As an overall, You want to have a profile that identifies the preferences that you are looking for. Don't be,"open minded and seeing what happens." Make decisions because that's going to help you weed out people that you're not interested in period. Make sure you have a primary profile photo that highlights who you are, that you can clearly see your face, no crazy filters and no caps and sunglasses and things like that that are going to hide who you are. Make sure your photos tell a story, you have at least one full body photo that captures who you are and what you look like in an honest angle. Show that you are into different things and have different interests. there's a variety of things that you can show and highlight about yourself in photos. and when you're talking about yourself, make sure that you talk about yourself and match the story of the photos that you have so that they can go along and say they can have it visually and they can also read it and put it all together Make sure you're not a hater and you're not negative. You get to make that choice. If you haven't already heard, You're a grown person that gets to make decisions and you don't have to tell people what to do, you know? Make sure that you mix up your algorithm and change your photos every few months. Change your story every few months. Even if it's the same information, just change it up. Maybe include some questions like,"I like to travel. Where's the last place you've been?" There's just lots of little simple questions that you can ask people in your messaging that they can grab that and use it as a way to message you. It's the virtual way of dropping the handkerchief. Okay. So you're giving them little ideas and ways to talk to you. That is my overall way of doing your profile and having the best damn profile and getting the right people in front of your face and messaging you. So with that as well, I have a free dating profile checklist that highlights all these in just a simple one page format. If you would love to download that checklist, it's free. Of course, I'm giving you the same information on this podcast, but you can download it. I have the link below and please feel free to utilize that. it will send you to my email list, which my email list will provide you with a day to day, help on how to do it. So it'll give you some steps to do your profile, a little bit at a time. That is available for you as well. If you'd like to join my email list, that is also an option. So then you can hear about what's coming up, new events that I'm doing, or just any regular curvy girl information, dating advice, tips, Anything that I feel like writing about, then it's going to be in there. So, feel free to join that email list. please subscribe if you are enjoying this podcast and make sure that it gets downloaded every week so that you can listen to it every Tuesday. Visit me on Instagram, send me DMS and message me@thecurvygirldatingcoach. I also have my website, thecurvygirldatingcoach.com. Thank you so much for listening in this week and I'm excited to talk next week. Thanks.