Episode 5: The First Date

Navigating the Crucial First Date: Insights and Tips

In Episode 5 of The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast hosted by Cristina, the focus is on preparing for the first date. Cristina shares insights on how to choose outfits for different types of dates, the importance of public meeting places, and maintaining the right mindset. She addresses the common feelings of anxiety and excitement, and provides strategies to manage these emotions. Additionally, Cristina discusses the significance of showing up authentically and the benefits of pre- and post-date assessments to improve dating experiences. Her goal is to make dating enjoyable, empowering women to confidently find meaningful relationships.

00:00 Introduction to The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast
00:38 Setting the Scene: A Fun Night Out
01:16 The First Date: Preparation and Wardrobe Tips
03:34 Mindset Matters: How to Show Up on Dates
05:48 Dealing with Negative Thoughts and Self-Doubt
08:34 Handling Disinterest and Canceling Dates
12:01 Pre and Post Date Assessments
13:57 Empowering Women in the Dating World
14:30 Conclusion and Next Episode Teaser

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Transcript

0:00

You are listening to The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast, Episode 5, The First Date.

Speaker: 0:06

Hi, I'm Cristina. After 10 years of dating, I was tired of attracting the wrong type of guys and thinking I had to lose weight to find love. I finally figured out how to date and I found the love I thought I would never find each week. I'll teach you dating advice, share dating stories and help you ditch the dating drama. My goal is to help you have fun and create the life you love. If you're ready to take your dating to another level, then listen up and let's go.

0:40

Hello, everyone. Welcome to Episode 5 of The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast. It is late. Friday night. I just came back from my sister's birthday. It was so fun. Knock on lie, have a little bit of a headache already. God did not bless me with the tequila gene But anyhow, we just had a couple of Margarita's and. I'm already feeling it, but that's okay. I am super excited to talk about today. Episode five, we're talking about"The First Date." We've talked about how to meet people and where to meet people and o nline profiles and how to approach people. So we've had a lot to talk about. But now what, like you end up having a conversation with someone you might exchange numbers or just get to know them, whether it's in real life or online, and then you get asked out on a date and you say yes Now. What you said? Yes. So what's next. My favorite thing to say to people is. Get like a first day at wardrobe. So get a couple of things that you. Already feel really good in and things that will. Just be different according to different dates. So you end up setting a date and a time and a place to meet. Preferably it's in public and not in private. Safety first is, my go-to motto. So meet in public. What kind of a date are you going to go to? Are you going to have dinner? Are you going to go to a breakfast date? Maybe just grab some coffee. Go to a park play mini golf. So many different things that require different outfits, right? Like you don't want to wear heels at the mini golf place. So have a few first date outfits that you really like. If you have things that you just know that you feel comfortable in every time you wear them, that you are just. Thumbs up, feel like you're on top of the world, that is what you want to have as your first date wardrobe. So think about different outfits. You can utilize, that would be appropriate for different dates. That's my number one step, because if you already know. what to wear. then you don't have to think about it. It's one less thing that you have to worry about. It's already done. You checked it off the list. Now you get to focus on more important things. Just get that out of the way and have that ready for yourself. Another thing is about what you're thinking and feeling and how you're showing up on dates. So how you show up on dates is. Rooted down to what you're thinking and feeling on the way when you get there. If you go on a date or you're getting approaching the time to go on a date you might be thinking,"I can't wait. I'm so excited. I'm really happy that I get to go and meet somebody and I'm looking forward to get to know him." So you can't wait. You're thinking that you can't wait. You're feeling excited about it. The actions that you might be putting into it is. You might be overthinking about all these questions that you might have to get to know them. You might be telling your friends, showing off your first date outfits and ask your friends like, okay, which one do I wear? I used to have like little, I would call them first date fashion shows. So I'd put on different outfits and I'd send pictures to my best friend and she'd tell me what to wear or give me some feedback. So, it was really nice to have somebody that could steer me in the right direction. When you're excited and you can't wait and you start telling your friends and you get all bubbly and you're looking forward to it. That's going to be how you're going to show up. You're going to show up bubbly and excited and looking forward to something and happy and smiling and attentive. So those are the ways that you want to show up on dates. Same thing when you go and meet new people, like you might think,"I'm gonna go out and meet new people. It's going to be a group event." It might be just a group event where you'll be with somebody, but there'll be other people there. You could do trivia nights, things like that. So if it's like a group of people, you might be excited about meeting new people and engaging with your date. You might research what you're going to do, or you might research what's on the menu if you're going to dinner. It gives you thinking and it gets you all excited, right? That's going to be how you're going to act and how you're going to show up on that date. Bubbly and excited and looking forward to it. Then sometimes it sets in that you might feel fat or ugly in these dates, for some reason, you have this thought in your head,"oh my God. He's gonna think that I'm fat. He's gonna think that I'm ugly. What am I going to do?" You might start getting scared about it and overwhelmed and nervous. When you're feeling like that you show up to the date overwhelmed because you're overthinking the whole time, right before you're preparing for this date. You can't think straight, you might be spiraling because you have all these negative thoughts in your head. You're probably talking shit to yourself and judging yourself and being like overly critical about what you look like. Maybe can't find any clothes to wear, or even your favorite outfits, you feel ugly in them, whatever. So when you start having that thought,"oh my gosh, he is going to think that I'm fat," it freaks you out and then you don't feel good and you show up to this date tugging your clothes and not feeling good. And maybe not knowing how to talk to people. So you don't want to show up like that and I've been on dates where I don't really want to go, but I'm going, because I'm just,"we'll just see what happens." I've said before, seeing what happens is the worst thing ever. But sometimes I would go on dates and I wasn't really interested in the person, but I would go cause I would always give people like the benefit of the doubt and be like,"maybe they're really not good at texting, or maybe they're just busy, but they might be great to get to know. So I guess I'll go." But I already have this negative feeling that I know it's not going to work out and I might be annoyed at myself or cranky. I might feel obligated about going to and feel guilty that I'm going to go. I'm people pleasing. I might show up like an asshole to this date because I didn't even want to go anyways. Or just be rude or disinterested, or, anxious to go home and get it over with already. This is a horrible way to show up to the date. It's not fair for you because you are wasting your time, not doing something that you would rather be doing. And it's not fair for that person. They don't want to have all those exciting feelings and nervous feelings and all that because they're feeling the same shit that you are. When they're coming into this date, all excited and then you show up like a jerk because you don't feel like being there. That's just, it's not fair. So if you're feeling like that either cancel or reschedule, like there's no point for either one of you to go on that date, because if you went on a date that you're very excited about and that person was disinterested and you can tell, and it's pretty obvious. Then you feel like crap about it, right? And so you don't want to do the same thing to other people. So just cancel, reschedule, get in the right mind frame You just, weren't having a great day and you need to get yourself right. Or you really know that deep down inside, you're not interested in that person and you just need to move on from them. Free them of your crankiness and all that That is my advice about going on first dates. You want to feel your best. You want to be having the actions that are going to put you up to showing up for this first date in the best way that you can You want to show up authentically. You don't want to feel negative about yourself for self-conscious or disappointed or uncomfortable. It's just not a great way to show up. Tell me, send me a message. What are things that you're worried about when it comes to going on a first date? And what are things that you're excited about too? Like why is dating and a first date exciting? Why is it fun for you? I am really curious about that, let me know. And what are your biggest fears? Why is dating so hard for you or what do you hate about the first days? Do you always have first dates and never second dates? Are you already anticipating being ghosted or having this rejection before you even show up to the date? Because that happens sometimes too. Like you might be so excited that you're self sabotaging yourself and you show up to this date self sabotaging, so you show up crappy and show up like a jerk because you're already making that decision for that person about what they're going to think about you. You're not even giving them a chance to think for themselves because you're already saying,"Hey, I'm a sucky person. So don't call me." Basically. Don't do that. So that is what I have to say about first dates. They are really exciting. It is fun. It is enjoyable. And if you have any doubt in your mind, that is not a great time to go on a date. Then admit it to yourself feel those feelings. Think about why you don't want to go on this specific date Do you feel fear? Are they making you uncomfortable? If they're making you uncomfortable? Are you questioning your safety or anything like that, or if you're feeling you're going to get in trouble or something. Definitely make the right decision and don't go on that date. Dating does not have to be horrifying. It can be fun. It can be enjoyable. And you can really have a good time. Every single date is going to be lesson learned whether it's a great date or it's not So there's something in each date that is valuable that you're going to learn from. And with my clients I work with, we have pre date assessments about how you're feeling. everything that we just talked about here, but into more depth, like how you're going to think and feel and prepare yourself to get on this first date and make sure that you're feeling comfortable and good and happy and looking forward to going. And then there's a post date assessment that I do with my clients that has questions about, What was the overall outcome of the date? And just several questions about how you feel and if you want to go on a date again or not. And it's not, was he cute?" It's like really serious, in-depth questions that will make you think."Is this person, somebody that I want to go on a second date with." If it's a lesson learned kind of date you can start looking at all of your history of your post assessment dates and see if there's a pattern, and then you can already decide ahead of time,"Oh, this sounds like a person that I know I'm not going to like on my dates, so we're going to just say no ahead of time.' It gives you a lot of information when you're doing these assessments, whether it's the pre date or the post date assessment. That's something that I love to do with my clients. And sometimes they're a little hesitant at first because they think it's weird. I think it's amazing. I wish I would have dated like that more often in the decade of singleness that I had. Once they start doing it and they start finding out how dating can be easier by looking at it in a different perspective, it gets so much easier to screen your dating and find higher quality dates. Not wasting your time or being in this cesspool of dating and everything that people talk about, how dating is like horrible and stressful and the worst thing ever. So believe it or not. It can actually be fun. So my goal is to teach women how to feel empowered, feel supported, feel loved for themself, feel comfortable for themselves. And get ready to confidently go on dates and make it enjoyable. Make it effortless. Make it something that you want to look forward to doing, because you are on this mission to find the relationship that you want. That is all about the first date. So I hope that you guys listen to next week, episode six. Let's talk about it. I will see you then. Thanks.