Episode 12: It's Just a Date

In Episode 12 of The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast, host Cristina discusses the importance of neutralizing the word 'date' and stripping it of the anxiety and pressure it often carries. Sharing insights from her own 10-year dating journey, Cristina urges listeners to focus on self-love and authenticity, treating dates as simple human interactions instead of high-stakes evaluations. She provides practical tips like using empowering playlists, having a go-to first date outfit, and maintaining positive self-talk to reduce dating anxiety. Cristina also announces the upcoming second season and invites listeners to stay connected and submit questions or topics of interest.

00:00 Introduction to Episode 12
00:39 Reflecting on Season One
01:21 Plans for Season Two
01:41 Neutralizing the Word 'Date'
03:09 Understanding What a Date Really Is
03:48 Focusing on Yourself, Not Their Opinions
08:58 Bringing Positive Energy to Dates
10:25 Practical Tips for Feeling Confident
15:06 Final Thoughts and Farewell

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Transcript

Cristina: 0:00

You are listening to The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast, Episode 12:"It's Just a Date."

Speaker: 0:08

Hi, I'm Cristina. After 10 years of dating, I was tired of attracting the wrong type of guys and thinking I had to lose weight to find love. I finally figured out how to date and I found the love I thought I would never find I'll teach you dating advice, share dating stories and help you ditch the dating drama. My goal is to help you have fun and create the life you love. If you're ready to take your dating to another level, then listen up and let's go.

Cristina: 0:40

Hello, everyone. Welcome to Episode 12 of The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast. I'm so excited because I chose to do 12 episodes as one season to try out doing a podcast and this is number 12. So I've made it and I've decided to do a season two. That's very cool. I've had so much fun doing this podcast every week and sharing all my tips and advice and stories and everything. So I am looking forward to a season two. I will be implementing some interviews or podcasts guests, whichever you would like to call it. I want to mix it up and talk a little bit about their dating experiences and their dating advice. Just their dating stories in general, as a plus-sized person or a non plus-sized person. Whoever wants to come and be on this podcast and talk about anything dating, then I am down for it. So today for episode 12, we're going to talk about neutralizing, the word"date." It's just a fucking date. Don't make the word more special than any other time that you were going to meet another human being. It's a word. So the word"date" only has the meaning that you decide to give it. Just like the word. Fat. A lot of people see it as a neutral word. And they're just saying it in a sentence because they believe that fat is just fat on a human and there is no emotion to it. And other people have a lot of emotion and negativity or shaming or that it's bad and so on with that word. So if you have a lot of emphasis on what a date is and it's, the future and the potential to the rest of your life and, it's some judgment about what people think about you and that it's so hard. All of those things are thoughts that you're deciding that word means. So today we're going to talk about how it's just a word and the basics about what a date is and what it means and how you can chill and just go on a date without freaking out about it. Okay. A date. It's going out and meeting somebody in a common place at a certain time and having a conversation. That's all the date is. Going to meet another human being. They are not any more important or any special person, they're just another freaking human being. They're not better than you. They're just another person and you're going to go and have a conversation with them and see what you like about them. Okay. To see if you have common interests in getting to know them more. If you want to have a future communication with them. It's not about what they think about you about if they like you or not, or if they think you're fat or you're ugly or you're too tall, or you have a crappy work schedule. It's not about any of that. You show up as who you are. Just be yourself. You're either going to have some compatibility or you're not. You're going to either want to continue a further conversation and get to know them more or you're not. And sometimes people aren't going to like you and that's okay. You don't like every single person that you meet. If somebody isn't compatible with you. Too bad. Because you're still the same person regardless. And you do not need to change for anybody to get them to like you, if they don't like you for the person that you are, that's too damn bad for them. They have bad taste. That's how I like to say it. That makes me feel better. That's my powerful thought that I have is,"Oh, you don't want to get to know me and you just had one conversation with me? That's too bad. You have bad taste because I'm amazing." So that is my powerful, like way of thinking to get past feeling like shit if somebody isn't interested in knowing me or getting to know me, or if they just don't like me. And this isn't just for dating and relationships. Like specifically for a partner, this is about anybody. A coworker. Your sisters boyfriend's sister or whatever it is, any kind of other human interaction that you have. Some people are going to like you and some people aren't and it doesn't mean anything about you. It just means that you have different. Qualities interests, morals, beliefs, et cetera. And. Guess what people can have different morals and beliefs and thoughts. In their life because we're all independent thinkers and you don't have to dislike them. Just FYI. If somebody is a free thinker and believes something different in you, it's not like 100% that you have to dislike them. They could just not have the same interests as you, but anyhow, not going way too out of the story here. You go on a date to get to know somebody and YOU have that control and that power to decide if you want to continue talking to them. Don't set yourself up for failure by going to a date and being so in their head and worried about what they're thinking. Do they like me? Do they think that I'm fat? Am I saying the right things? Am I funny enough? Am I saying too many things? Am I oversharing? Do they like me?" Don't think about it, that's in their brain. So when you're too busy in your head thinking about all the shit that they might be thinking. You're all up in there and you're not thinking about yourself and what's important to you and what you value and what you want to do and get to know that person. You're not getting to know them when you're so worried about what they fucking think about you. Okay, so stop that shit. And get to know them and make the decision on if YOU want to hang out with them. If YOU want to continue talking to them, if you feel safe, if you feel comfortable. A date, again, we're neutralizing that word. It's just two people meeting. So another way you can look at it is a chance to meet a new friend. If you're going to meet another female or you're going to a work lunch. I work from home for example, and I went to Florida to do a work thing, and I met some of my coworkers for the first time in person. I wasn't going in thinking,"I hope they like me. I hope they don't think I'm fat. What about my clothes? They're going to judge me because of this and that." I'm going there to work. I'm going to work and if they don't like me, they already don't like me without meeting me in person, and if they like me without meeting me in person and we'd have a great rapport working from home together, it's probably going to be the same when we meet in person. Most likely, don't put the word"date," don't give it so much power and so much weight and emphasis. It's just a conversation. You're going to go meet somebody and decide if you want to keep talking to them or not. It's a potential to meet a new friend. When I'm going to go meet my coworkers for the first time. I'm just going to go and work and I'm going to do my job. So when you're going on a date, your job is to go and get to know that person to get to know that human being and to see if you want to get to know them even more. Keep it simple. You don't need to feel so heavy and anxious, and I know it's easier said than done to just be like,"oh, just go and don't care about what they think." It's easy to say that, but it's hard to get to that point and, that's okay. It's going to take time. It's going to take practice to go on dates and neutralize it, and have that feeling of,"I'm just going to go and meet a person and feel good about it," but what are they actionable steps that you can practice today that will help you neutralize the word"date." So the advice that I've given before, and then I always will say is to bring the energy to the date, bring that positive energy that you are"the shit" before you go to this date. So what does that look like for you? How do you do that? For me? I have my girls night out" playlist or my"first date" playlist, whatever you want to call it and, I have all these like girl theme songs. I have to have"bring your sexy back" and"Girls just want to have fun" and different songs that make me feel good. I have a lot of Lizzo in there, a lot of Meghan Trainor. I got the pointer sisters. I got everything that just makes me feel excited and confident and makes me feel like I just have everything going on great in this world. And it helps me reduce the fear and anxiety of meeting somebody because it pumps me up and makes me feel so good about myself by listening to this music and just getting myself energized for it. And another way that I do that is, I'm getting ready, I'm listening to my music, I like to have a first date outfit. I've said this before in a different podcast episode. I have a first date wardrobe of things that I feel confident in so that I have something, I don't have to show up in the mirror and having this disastrous fashion show that is just nothing but horrible outfits. I don't like to spend all this time getting ready and changing outfit after outfit and start talking negatively about myself and saying how ugly I look and how awful I feel and how uncomfortable I am. That's not the energy that you're trying to bring to this date, because if you have this, disaster fashion show, and you change a million times before you go out. When you're there, you're in a show up feeling insecure, even if you put on the best outfit that you have, but you've already went through all of that energy, changing a million times. When you go, you're still going to be uncomfortable because you're thinking,"I still don't know if this is the right outfit" and maybe be tugging at it and your body might just have that language of showing insecurity or discomfort. First date outfits, the little wardrobe just for me, it's the way to go. So I have things that I know that I feel great in, and this isn't just for first days like this for anything. I have a wardrobe of things that I know I feel great in, and if I want to go and do anything where I just want to have that confident attitude and feel good and have that positive energy. I pick out of that wardrobe. So just FYI on that. It's multi-purpose wardrobe. It's not just for dates, but it's just my feel good wardrobe. Also, anything that you do buy, should make you feel great. If you're just buying things because it's clothes and it happens to fit and you're not happy with it really reconsider that. Sometimes it happens. But it doesn't have to. So your wardrobe doesn't have to be just a whole bunch of things that mismatch and just fit. Those are just things that make me have good energy to get to that date to make it very neutral and very comfortable and not uptight and scary, because I already feel good. You're feeling good for yourself. You're not feeling good to impress anybody else. Okay. You're feeling good for yourself. The only validation that you need is your own. So when you show up to this date, they're going to have their opinion, whether it's like,"this bitch is hot" or"no, I don't ever want to see this person again," whatever it is that is their thoughts and they get to own that. And it's none of your business. Because you're going to be 100% when you show up, no matter what. Okay. So they get to have their opinion, their opinion can be wrong and you get to have yours. And yours doesn't have to be,"I hope that I look great for them." Or,"I want to impress them." You don't have to do shit, except for show up and be yourself. And that's it. Neutralize this date. So again, you just want to get to know them. Okay. Take the control back from the word and don't make it feel so scary. What actionable steps do you have? I showed you examples of what I like to do. What is it for you? Do you have a little mirror? That's another great one. I have a little mirror in my purse and I look at it sometimes when I'm a little nervous and I calm myself down and I just look at myself and I tell myself positive things like,"you could do this. It's just a date. You're just showing up. You're getting to know this person." And I just keep repeating positive things to myself and telling myself that I am great, no matter what. And, they get to decide if I am amazing or if I'm not amazing. And, I get to decide if they're amazing, or if they're not amazing. We're going to be a match and continue talking or we're not. And I keep repeating that to myself and making it very simple. So a mirror is great. How can you, neutralize the word"date." How can you just show up and have a conversation with somebody? How can you go and have the chance to just meet a new friend and have a conversation and just let it be that. I hope that this is very helpful for you in neutralizing the word"date." Thank you so much for being a part of my 12 episodes of The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast. I am looking forward to more seasons and giving you more advice and sharing some of my stories and just having fun doing this every single week. So I will probably take a break next week while I get my self together and prepare for the new season. But I am looking forward to keeping this going. So if you have anything that you want to talk about, anything specific, send me an email. If you just want to ask a question, please. Just let me know. I'm happy to answer questions anytime. Please feel free to follow any of the links in my show notes. My Instagram is@thecurvygirldatingcoach. Any of my social media is@thecurvygirldatingcoach. You can email me at cristinacoaches@gmail.com. And Christina, it has no H so it's C R I S T I N A coaches@gmail.com. Want to join my email list, you can do that. I have the link below. If you would love to schedule a consultation and see what it's like to work with me one-on-one, I would love to sit and chat with you and if you want to work together, that would be great. I would look forward to helping you. I don't just specifically coach on dating. I coach on all kinds of things that are related that combine into dating. So it could be self-esteem self-love, confidence, time management, productivity, conversations with humans, social activities, social anxiety, boundaries, whatever it is. I got you. Thank you so much, and I will see you in the next season. Bye.