The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast
The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast
Episode 13: Curating Your Life with Temetria
In episode 13 of The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast, host Cristina welcomes her first guest for season two, Temetria McVea, host of the Curate Your Life Podcast. Temetria shares her life journey, including her late marriage, divorce, and how she turned to coaching to rebuild her life. They discuss the importance of creating a life you love, even in singlehood, and share personal stories about valuing oneself, mature dating, and handling holidays and special occasions alone. Temetria also offers insights into her coaching program and provides resources for listeners to start curating their own lives.
00:00 Introduction to The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast
00:53 Meet Our First Guest: Temetria McVea
01:38 Temetria's Journey: Marriage, Divorce, and Self-Discovery
02:59 Creating a Life You Love: Insights from Temetria and Cristina
07:07 Navigating Dating and Relationships
16:47 Self-Love and Celebrating Yourself
21:36 Curate Your Life: Temetria's Coaching and Offerings
23:35 Conclusion and Contact Information
Temetria's Links Below:
Two Simple Steps to Love Your Life
Free Consultation
Curate Your Life Journal
Website
Instagram
Facebook
YouTube
Consultation Call: https://calendly.com/cristinacoaches/discovery-session
FREE Curvy Girl Dating Checklist: https://thecurvygirldatingcoach.myflodesk.com/datingchecklist
Website: https://www.thecurvygirldatingcoach.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecurvygirldatingcoach
Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thecurvygirldatingcoach
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thecurvygirldatingcoach
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@thecurvygirldatingcoach
Email List: https://thecurvygirldatingcoach.myflodesk.com/emaillist
You are listening to"The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast, Episode 13: Curating Your Life with Temetria." Hi, I'm Cristina. After 10 years of dating, I was tired of attracting the wrong type of guys and thinking I had to lose weight to find love. I finally figured out how to date and I found the love I thought I would never find each week. I'll teach you dating advice, share dating stories and help you ditch the dating drama. My goal is to help you have fun and create the life you love. If you're ready to take your dating to another level, then listen up and let's go. Hello everyone. Thanks for coming and listening to The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast this is the first episode of season two, and I'm so excited that I'm going to do a second season. And today I'm going to have my very first guest, Temetria McVea and she is from the Curate Your Life Podcast. So T, how are you? Introduce yourself.
Temetria:Hi, thank you so much. I am honored to be the first guest and I am excited about season two. That is exciting. That's fun, so congratulations on that. I'm Temetria, I am the host, of the Curate Your Life with Temetria Podcast and I talk about all the ways and all the things that you can do to make your life great.
Cristina:tell me a little bit about why you decided to create that podcast.
Temetria:Okay, so I will quickly tell you my story. I got married in 2005, later in life, not that late, but in my 30s, like I think I was 34 or 35. I got married. I got divorced not long after that. And I went through some things right because I thought life was supposed to look a certain way, especially getting married later in life. I'm like kids right away was my plan. I don't have any kids and I just had an idea in my mind of what life was going to look like. And it did turn out that way. I found coaching, which helped me figure out that even though life was not going to look exactly the way I thought it was going to look, it could still look great and fantastic and I could still have a wonderful life. So I started coaching and then that was where I landed because even after I figured that out, there were still some things that I thought I should do. And at some point, probably about 2019. I let go of all of those. Things that I thought I should do all of the rules and I just decided that I was going to create the life that I love that made sense to me.
Cristina:That is so awesome, and that's similar to my story too. Like I had this picture in my head where I thought everything had to go ABCD and in order, and it wasn't supposed to deviate from that. So when I broke up with my boyfriend at 27, I was like,"Oh shit, now, what am I supposed to do?" Because things are going to start going out of order. So I totally get it. And then same thing with me, coaching came into my life and it wasn't for dating, it was for weight loss, but there were so many things that I learned that were in real life situations, including my just single life and dating and so on, that was helpful through coaching and it's the same thing, it just made me decide that I can create my own story and it doesn't have to be in anybody's specific order because it gets to be in my order.
Temetria:And we are from the same coaching school and school of thought, right? we know what creates your outcomes and your results and the way that you feel. It's not anything that's going on out in the world. It's how we're taking it in and thinking about it and responding to it, which I think is amazing because then that's where we have our power, right? We understand like we are in control of our lives,
Cristina:Right. So you got your divorce and then we're single. You thrive as a single person now, but what did it look like in that transition and how did you get into your life now?
Temetria:So in that transition, I think it looked a little sad. I'm going to say I was probably a little sad. because it was not what I was expecting. It took me a while to get married. Like I said, I was 34, 35 ish and so then I was like,"I'm a married woman," and then when I wasn't, I'm like,"okay now what's the identity? Am I back to sad and lonely?" and, I was sad because of the situation. I was not lonely because I have fantastic family and friends, but then I didn't have that identity anymore. You know what I mean? That I'm married, but what I did do, and I will tell you this, and this is interesting, I a little bit clung to the title of divorce, not"divorcee." I didn't say that, but I was, instead of saying,"Oh, I'm single. I've never been married." I was like,"okay, but at least I've been married." So I was like,"I'm divorced." And it was almost like"somebody married me, but it didn't work out." Oh my goodness, this is the first time that I get it out and I really did. But I really did I would say,"Oh, I'm divorced," because I was at that point like 40 something and I didn't want somebody to think that I hadn't been married or, I hadn't had anything serious. So I wore that as a little bit of a badge of honor a little bit.
Cristina:Yeah, no, I see that. That's interesting because I can see having that badge of honor being like,"Oh somebody married me.""Better than being an old maid, right?" Did it make you feel like a little validated that you had love before?
Temetria:Yes. Yeah. I say that now knowing that it's totally wrong, like better than being an old maid. Cause I do not believe in that old maid thing, but yes, it was validation of some sort.
Cristina:And what helped you decide that was a thing to drop and a thing of the past?
Temetria:It got boring, right? I didn't want to be defined That, I don't want that to be my identity,"divorced." Because what comes along with that sometimes? Bitter and all the things. I'm like,"you know what? I am just who I am now, and that is a circumstance of my past." I was married. I'm not married anymore. And this is the T that you get now.
Cristina:No, that's really great, cause you just moved on from I don't want this title, but I don't want this title either. So I get to just be me. Exactly. I like that. And so now that you're, single and happy, what have you done to make your life the best life that you're living now?
Temetria:So a few things, and I've dated some, since then. I've had a couple of serious relationships that were great for that season and then not long term. But what I did was I really sat down and I got really clear on what makes me happy on what I want and what I need and what I want my future to look like. And I do still want somebody in there. And also, in the meantime, I'm going to have the best life possible. So I have outlined my dream and my picture of my perfect life. And, there's somebody there. But just in case he got hit by a bus, God bless. I'm still going to have a fantastic life though. That was my joke for a long time. Me and my friends would always say, oh, either they were stranded on a desert island because they went to go do something fantastic and they can't get off this island or Bless their hearts, they got hit by a bus. Buses are cruel. But no, I just decided that whether or not I have somebody in my life, I want to enjoy life because this is the only one that I get as far as I know. So I just, decided on travel. Travel makes me happy. I want to do as much of that as possible. I have an active social life with friends and family and I volunteer, like I do things that light me up.
Cristina:That's awesome. So you've had this awesome, fabulous life that you've created for yourself, but what does dating look like?
Temetria:Dating looks like a lot of things. So I have dated people that were just totally not right. And it took a while to figure that out. They were just like, this is just not even worth it. And I've dated people that were wonderful and still not right. Because I think part of it is being very honest and open about what you want, the experiences that you want, the support that you need, just to make sure that if you're going to do it long term, that you don't have to be the same person, but you have to be"simpatico" is a word that I'm coming up with, and I don't even use that word on a daily basis, but it has to meld, it has to mesh. And so I dated a great guy for a couple of years, we're friends. We're still friends, super nice, but long term the roads were not going to, were not going to match. And so I also don't think you should date just to force the fit or just to say that you're dating and have somebody there. It was very nice to have a plus one for things. And also like, it was not going to be the plus one that I wanted for the rest of my life. I think being really honest with yourself and knowing what you want, just like I know, the vision of my life, where I want to live the kind of things that I want to do. I know what I want from a partner. And I don't think they have to check every box, but I think that some boxes are more important than others. I think we should call them non negotiables, right? To travel on the regular to all kinds of places. This person did not. And that was going to be huge. Somebody was not going to be happy.
Cristina:For sure. For sure. Cause if you want to go see the world and he's no, I'm good right here.
Temetria:Yeah.
Cristina:I just want to hang out and be myself, it's not a want match.
Temetria:Exactly. Yeah. And I'm like,"I get it. Do that. Do your thing. But also I want to do my thing." So we had a very adult and good conversation about it and it's all good. But I think knowing what is important to you and sticking to that.
Cristina:And that says a lot about him as well, because you can have that mature conversation and just be like,"Hey, you know what? We're going to be friends and we want different things and that's cool." And so it's such a great and mature conversation to have and to have peace with your decision.
Temetria:And deep down we both knew it, right? We both knew that we were going different places. And that was so easy. You don't have to make anybody wrong. It's just, that relationship was not right. We're both right people and great people. We were not great together.
Cristina:Yeah, no, I get it. Like I remember I hadn't had a whole lot of boyfriend experience, but I do remember like my first boyfriend, we broke up in college and I felt like I had to find something wrong, like an excuse. So that I can get out of it and it wasn't like there's something about him because I didn't want it to be about like,"Oh, he sucks and he's not good enough." I don't remember what I told him anymore at this point, but he was a very nice guy and he was a very good guy and we had a great relationship, but it was my first boyfriend. I had gone into college in a different city. He was still in Houston and I think what I did was I was creating the problem of travel and seeing each other. I was always like"I'm the one who always goes and sees you and I don't like that. And that's taking away from my school." And so I started creating that as an issue, and that's probably something he could have just fixed, but I didn't have that conversation to allow it to, I just wanted to move on. But I think it was just because I was in a different city and in college and I wanted different experiences. And I just didn't have the guts to tell him that. Gotcha. You know what I mean? Because that would hurt his feelings.
Temetria:Yeah. You were young, right? Yeah, I was like 20. Yeah. I'm 56, so I'm glad you have a mature person. Can you imagine if we were, 56 and we still had to make up problems? That would not be good. But it
Cristina:happens still, like the ghosting and all that stuff. It still happens. Yes, it does. But ghosting is no fun. I always say that it's good news because it shows that person is a bad communicator, but I don't think that it's good to be the person that, that ghosts or anything because that's allowing you to not create boundaries and be mature and know what you want and have those crucial conversations. And that's very important to have, especially now that we're getting older, because continuing that kind of behavior for yourself and just ghosting and hiding from conversations isn't going to help you create the healthy relationship that you want in the future.
Temetria:Exactly. But also that person probably is not mature and probably does not have other healthy relationships either.
Cristina:Sometimes it stings, but it's good to have that, that maturity level. Once you start, getting past your twenties. Have you ever had any, any dates that where you went on and you're like, that's not gonna happen."
Temetria:That I decided it was not gonna happen. Yes. And it's not easy to say, but it is better to say it early and upfront no, this didn't work for me than get way down the line and, have to say it when somebody thinks that it's more than what it is. And I will tell you, I, I don't know if this is the case. I'm gonna tell you one of my bad date stories. I met this guy. We went on several dates. And I thought we were hitting it off. We had good dates. This was actually not that long ago. It was probably 2015 16 ish. So I sent him a text. I was going to cook. I was going to make dinner. It was like that time, if I cook for you, I got yeah. And his response was no, I don't think so. I just don't think it's worth it. For you to cook for him? Oh,
Cristina:or for just to be in a relationship. To be in a relationship with me. With you. And you're amazing.
Temetria:Thank you. He didn't think it was worth it. I was like,"oh, and..." That is a weird response. So many questions. I know. I'm like,"what's not worth it? My fabulous shrimp and pasta dish? Cause it's pretty good. You should date me one more time to have that!" I did have one or two signature dishes for when I was ready to cook for somebody. But I was like,"okay?" No,"I met somebody else." I'm like,"what's not worth it?"
Cristina:I was going to say, like weird."It's not worth it." Instead of no, thank you. I don't think that we're a good match," That's weird, but that's okay. Like you, it was a good decision that, he decided it wasn't worth his time because now you're you and you're amazing.
Temetria:Oh, that's awful. Lessons. Maya Angelou says,"when somebody shows you who they are, believe them." So I was like, okay, he has said what he said, and why would I argue with that? If he doesn't see any worth in going forward, lick my wounds and go.
Cristina:And that's just what I tell people too. Whenever it's not a good match and, from somebody else decides that we're not a good match, my empowering thought is,"they have bad taste anyways." So it just makes me feel better. There was something I try to dissociate the whole beginning of those conversations of what did I do wrong? And why doesn't he like me?" Like you can't change what people's opinions are. They have just wrong opinions.
Temetria:And you don't want to get down the road and be the one doing all the work or all the giving and all the compromise. It should be a give and take, a 50/50. I'm not saying a relationship shouldn't be work, but you don't want to be the one that is 100 percent invested when somebody else is like 20.
Cristina:For sure. Doing all the work, it's exhausting. But for in a relationship, like you want to it to be a good, healthy give and take. And sometimes, you do have to give a little bit more, but then some days when you're not ready to give a whole bunch more, they can give more. And that's still the 50/50. So, when I was single for 10 years and I also like to travel and do little weekend getaways when I was single and have like solo dates and stuff but like when it comes to holidays and like valentine's day or just those times when you feel a little lonely, what would you do for yourself to get out of that funk?
Temetria:Okay. So, I have a lot of answers to this one. So, I will tell you, it's not fun. There are times when it's not fun. I just had, I have friends right now on a trip for the 30th anniversary and it looks amazing. And I'm like,"Oh, I want to do that with somebody," like I can travel, but I'm going by myself or with a girlfriend, which is fine, but it's different from a romantic trip. And I had friends who just got back from Paris and their dating and but I also, most of the time I'm like,"okay, I don't need somebody to make me feel special," like birthdays, Valentine's days. I will buy myself a gift. And I do remember one Valentine's day. I always have a prize or reward or something like something that I want in my mind for a treat or if I reach a goal, some kind of way to reward myself or pamper myself. So it was Valentine's day. This was 2018, I think Valentine's day, right in 2019. Anyway, and I was like it was a weekday and I was at work and I'm like, oh, what am I going to do? And I've had Galentine's with friends before and things And just nothing was planned. And it was a Tuesday or Wednesday. So I'm like, you know what? I think I want to make a nice dinner. And then I look over and I had this ring that I wanted from James Avery, it's a really pretty ring had been in my cube. On my wall. Just as a reminder, I keep that whatever that thing is that I have on my radar. I keep it somewhere where I can see it. And I'm like, I want that ring. I'm gonna buy it for myself. So I got off work. I went to James Avery. I got that ring and a couple others and, the lady there was like,"Oh, that's so nice. You get to pick out whatever you want. That you're getting the thing that you want." And I could tell from what she was saying that I was there picking it out because somebody said, go get it. And I explained, I'm like,"yeah, this is my Valentine's gift to myself. I'm buying this for myself. And then I'm going to run by H-E-B and get a steak and I'm having steak tonight." And It was a lovely night, right? You have to do those. You can't ask somebody else to do for you what you're not willing to do for yourself. You can't ask somebody else to fill up your cup if you're not willing to pour into yourself,
Cristina:Yeah, no, that is so good because I think, the same thing at Valentine's days, I've got like Perry's specials, they'll have a couple's special, and I'll get like the pork chop or whatever. And so I'll get the special and then I have two Valentine's day meals.
Temetria:Great. Yeah. And it's so one, I love my birthday, and I want somebody and one of these days he will plan like this, will plan this fantastic birthday trip for me. In the meantime, I plan it and I'm like,"y'all, this is where we're going," and I do have some wonderful friends. I'm like, this is birthday, 2024 or 2023 or whatever. So do for yourself what you want somebody else to do. And at some point, somebody will come along, the right person will come along and they'll do that. And in fact, you will have had a blast this whole time.
Cristina:Yeah, for sure. Speaking of the,"he doing things for you." I tell Ryan that I'll be like,"I don't want to make a decision at all for my birthday." And I still make decisions. So I have decided it's just his thing, and that's okay, cause he's so excited about wanting to make our time great and make me happy and stuff like that, that he's so afraid that it's going to be wrong. It's silly, but it's just not his thing. He doesn't like to do those things.
Temetria:Okay, this is what you can do. You can make a list ABC restaurants that would be acceptable, ABC flowers, and then ABC so then he can just pick them, and it will still be a little bit of a surprise, but you'll, you're still getting the things that you want. That's a
Cristina:great idea! I just have decided I'm going to be like,"Hey, this is what we're doing because it makes me happy." But I think that's a great idea to give him some options and be like, I will be happy if you do any of these things for me. Thank you.
Temetria:Trip to Paris, trip to Hawaii, like which pick one.
Cristina:He's going to be like, What about a trip to the pool and I'll get you a pina colada?"
Temetria:Yep, that could be fun.
Cristina:I'll take you to a French restaurant instead of Paris. That's okay. It'll be fun.
Temetria:It all works. It all works.
Cristina:Yeah, exactly. But the whole point is do what you're willing to do for yourself, and it works out for us, This is awesome. So tell us a little bit about you.
Temetria:So I am a coach and I have honed in on who I coach midlife single women. Imagine that. And the name of my program is"Curate Your Life," because I do very much like the idea of deciding what you want, and then you build the picture, right? If something doesn't fit the picture that you have built in your mind, the vision that you're holding, you eliminate it. If you need something to add to that vision, you bring it in. So in my case, I lived in the suburbs. I had a house. It wasn't really the picture that was jiving with what I wanted. So I sold the house. I live closer to downtown now. And it's like curating an art exhibit. You bring in things that will really round out that vision and create that experience that you have for the gallery. Will you do that for your lifetime?
Cristina:Yeah, I think that's awesome because not only do you live and breathe that for yourself. So I love that you have You know a business that you do that for everybody else and you show them the tools that they need to live an amazing life and to create the gallery that you want. That's fabulous Yes. Yes. That's so fun. Do you have anything that you'd love to offer, anybody, like I can put in the show notes or anything?
Temetria:I have my two simple steps to loving your life. They can download. I'm working on some things that will be released later on. Oh, I also do have a curate your life journal. and it's so good.
Cristina:I use it. It's amazing.
Temetria:So they can order that or if they're my client, they get that, but, and I'm working on some other stuff for the end of the year and to move us into 2025. Ooh. I can't believe that one. So they'll just have to stay tuned for the rest of that.
Cristina:That's awesome. And how can people find you?
Temetria:I am at coach Demetria on Instagram. And my website is coach Temetria. com very original,
Cristina:very easy,
Temetria:very original.
Cristina:No, that's great. then that would be great and have a great day. Thank you guys so much for listening in on episode one of season two.
Temetria:Thank you
Cristina:for letting me be here.