The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast
The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast
Episode 15: Crafting a Balanced Life: Self-Care Tips with Elaine Proulx
In this episode of The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast, host Cristina Gonzalez talks with Elaine Proulx, a health and wellness coach, about the importance of self-care for women who tend to put others first. They discuss how societal pressures can lead to ignoring personal needs and how setting boundaries and prioritizing self-care can lead to a healthier and more fulfilling life. The conversation covers the interconnectedness of physical, mental, and emotional health, and provides practical advice for curvy girls in dating and finding self-confidence. Elaine emphasizes the significance of living a life aligned with personal values and offers resources for listeners interested in continuing this journey.
00:00 Introduction to The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast
00:50 Meet Elaine Proulx: Health and Wellness Coach
01:05 The Importance of Self-Care
02:19 Overcoming People-Pleasing Tendencies
03:30 Choosing Yourself and Setting Boundaries
06:06 Holistic Health: Beyond Diet and Exercise
08:20 Self-Care Tips for Curvy Girls
08:51 Navigating Social Situations and Building Confidence
16:34 Balancing Social Life and Self-Care
17:24 Defining Self-Care: Mind, Body, and Soul
27:55 Setting Realistic Goals and Celebrating Small Wins
33:17 Conclusion and Resources
More about Elaine:
Elaine Proulx was so committed to making an impact as a public school educator that she neglected herself and burned out within five years. When her dad got sick in 2021, she realized health is built over decades of small decisions, and she plans to choose wisely. By recommitting to her physical, mental, and spiritual health, she reconnected to her purpose and found joy in service and generosity again. Now, she helps other purpose-driven women find harmony between their desire to make a difference in the world and the need to nourish their own body, mind, and spirit without guilt so they can thrive now and for decades to come. She has a health coach certification from Duke Integrative Health, National Board Certification for Health & Well-being Coaches, and a master’s degree in Integrative Health.
Instagram: https://instagram.com/esp_wellness
Website: www.espwellness.co
Freebie: https://espwellness.ck.page/valuesfreebie
Consultation Call: https://calendly.com/cristinacoaches/discovery-session
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You are listening to The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast, Episode 15: Crafting a Balanced Life: Self Care Tips with Elaine Proulx. Hi, I'm Cristina. After 10 years of dating, I was tired of attracting the wrong type of guys and thinking I had to lose weight to find love. I finally figured out how to date and I found the love I thought I would never find each week. I'll teach you dating advice, share dating stories and help you ditch the dating drama. My goal is to help you have fun and create the life you love. If you're ready to take your dating to another level, then listen up and let's go. Hi everyone. Welcome to The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast. My name is Cristina Gonzalez, and I have a guest today, Elaine Proulx and she is a health and wellness coach and the owner of ESP Wellness. Welcome to the podcast.
Elaine:Hi, thanks so much. I'm so excited to be here. I'm a health and wellness coach and I work with mostly women who are very committed to the world to making an impact to showing up authentically. But maybe don't take care of themselves so much, put themselves on the back burner, put everyone else first. And I just help them figure out how to prioritize their own self care so that they can continue to show up fully and vulnerably and, fully express their purpose throughout their lives.
Cristina:That's so good because I know so many women like moms especially, spend years, caring for their kids and doing all these things, and they always put themselves last, sometimes you have to put yourself first so that you can show up better, I think it goes as well with single people too because, I know when I was single, I was a huge people pleaser, and people would assume that because I'm single, I have all this time to do them favors. So they'll be like,"Can you house it? Can you dogs it? Can go get my mail for me? Can you pick me up and get a ride and all these things?" And I'm like,"sure," but I didn't really want to do it. So then I wasn't showing up authentically because I'm doing things out of like more of obligation and it's just wasn't like a really good feeling. I'm a recovering people pleaser. So I, work on those boundaries and learning to say,"if I don't feel authentic about it, I can say no it is not my problem." I used to make people's problems, my problems. Oh my God, how's this person going to get a ride home from the airport if I don't do it," get an Uber, you're fine.
Elaine:Yeah.
Cristina:You can problem solve, you're grown.
Elaine:I'm also a recovering people pleaser. I'm not going to say I have it all figured out because it is a process of healing and, sometimes a lifelong process. It is really easy to just put others first and something that I have learned and seen through my work is that we think Oh, life is hard." I don't know if you've seen those things on, social media."Choose your hard." Do you want to be working out and eating healthy? Or do you want to be overweight? Do you want to be in a job that you are miserable in but you make a lot of money or do you want to make less money but be happy like there's always going to be this struggle and there's always two options two sides to everything it is honestly easier to not take care of yourself. And to put others first you're resentful and not happy and you're not doing things that you want to be doing, you don't have to take care of yourself. It's, just a matter of choosing yourself. And so I have just been on a kick lately of telling people,"be more selfish, choose yourself and do the work," you have to be accountable to yourself and what you're saying that you want in your life and then actually doing it. it's worth it if you choose yourself and put yourself first because then you will be able to do all the things you want and show up for all the people you care about.
Cristina:It's not even about being selfish, but I think that when you're learning to appreciate yourself more it feels like that. So it's not necessarily like it's selfish, but it's just making sure that you can show up better by doing A, B and C for yourself so that you can be a better person. It does feel like you're being selfish, but you're really not.
Elaine:Yeah. And it's like giving people permission to feel that way because the selfless act is doing that work to take care of yourself so you can be there for other people. But it feels selfish. So I'm saying, yes, feel that selfishness.
Cristina:It's discomfort but you're supposed to feel the discomfort because that's how you're growing. Exactly, like my coach says I have a million coaches, but one of my coaches she says that. Being a people pleaser is actually the most selfish thing you could do because you're not letting other people feel their own feelings you're robbing them of their feelings and like taking it from them. Everybody's grown, they can experience their own pain and their own discomfort and problem solving. It's not your problem. it's such a freedom to be able to do that. You could do it with work. You could do it when you're dating, if you don't want to see somebody anymore,"okay, bye. Not feeling it." And if they're sad or whatever, that's their thing to deal with. You don't have to worry about hurting their feelings because you're not hurting their feelings, they're choosing to believe that their feelings are hurt and it's not your responsibility.
Elaine:And if you think about that example where if you're like unhappy in a relationship, but you don't want to end it. I've been in that situation where I'm like,"Oh, but I don't want to hurt them. I feel really bad." But then you're not like good in that relationship. And so eventually it's, do I want them to hurt now? Or do I want them to hurt later? Because I can't stay in this forever."
Cristina:"And do I want to sit here hurting forever?"
Elaine:Exactly. I truly believe that if we just own our feelings and we own what's happening in our lives and what we want and we claim it and we go out there, we own that, then we will be better for everyone and it has a ripple effect. If everyone could do this for themselves. the world would be a much better place.
Cristina:What lights you up about coaching about that?
Elaine:I think it's just the people come in when they have some kind of challenge or problem and they're like feeling really stuck and maybe, It's just like the opening of possibilities that when people see,"Oh, I don't have to live like this my experience doesn't have to be this limited. When I start to take care of myself, I like so many more things become possible." And I really say like health is the thing that makes everything else possible. And so if I can get my health under control, I can, do all these things. We're not just talking about weight. people think health and they think, diet and exercise.
Cristina:Every time you go to the doctor and you're an overweight person,"Oh, go on a diet,."
Elaine:Yeah like,"you need to lose weight and you'll be healthier," that's not the case. It's about like your sleep, which yes, affects your physical body, but also affects your mental health. It's also about fulfillment and purpose. Are you happy in your career? Are you happy in your relationships? You have outlets of volunteering or are you connected to a spiritual community or whatever that is for you? That's a big source of well being and feeling good about your life. And then there's your physical environment. Are you living and working in a clean, organized space? Or is it messy and cluttered? That affects our mental health. It's all interconnected. Our relationships affect our health. Our mindful awareness just being aware of everything that's going on and our thoughts and about everything that's going on. It's yeah, pretty like meta,
Cristina:It's great. With 60, 000 thoughts a day that you have, it's healthy to find little pockets in your life that can open up and be free about it. And I like that mention that, health isn't just what's on your patient chart. It's like all over your world and your life and everything that you do every day is related to your health.
Elaine:Yeah, it is. And so when people see that and they're like,"Oh, there are so many other ways than just going on a diet or just starting to exercise that I can feel better about my health and my life," and then they start to make changes and then it just like completely transforms their worldview and their experience of life and opens up new possibilities. So that is really what is so exciting to me and what I love, why I love what I do.
Cristina:That's awesome. So what advice would you give us curvy girls to incorporate that with self care and health? I'm trying to think, some of my clients, we struggle with our self confidence. We're very shy. We are insecure about our clothing. Like when we were getting ready for a date,"what do I look like? Oh my God, I don't feel good." we have all these little insecurities and stuff, but what would be your best advice for single curvy girls that are dating.
Elaine:I think that a lot of those things are healed in relationship, but it doesn't mean that they're healed in like romantic relationships. And so I think a big opportunity is to go out and be out in the world and just connect with people in social situations that aren't necessarily dating related. It could also be online, but just like connecting with people and figuring out,"how do I want to show up? Who am I? What do I like to do?" I'm, single and dating now and something that when I first started dating, I really struggled to answer the question when people are like,"what do you like to do?" And I'm like,"I don't know," and so having opportunities to explore that, like actually do the things you like to do, but then also talk about the things you like to do and figure out how can I talk to people confidently about who I am. I think having that practice without the pressure of it being a date or wanting it to go any further is a great opportunity to overcome some of those, challenges and insecurities.
Cristina:You're right on point because I think the same thing. I have clients like similar situations, like you struggle with answering,"what do you do?" It's okay if you don't know yourself and you don't know what you like to do, go and try a bunch of different things. And you're doing yourself a favor in multiple areas. You're learning how to approach people and get to know people and talk to people. So you're practicing your communication skills. You're practicing talking to strangers and what boundaries you want to have, what do you want to share with people? What don't you want to share with people? You get to read people's body language. Do they want to talk to you or not? And then it's like not a pressure of a date. It's just getting comfortable with those social skills. And then at the same time you're learning hobbies. You find something you enjoy doing something that you might not enjoy doing, you again, meet new people along the way. And during that, you might find a person.
Elaine:Yeah, opening your network and seeing who might come into your world from there.
Cristina:And so I just think it's important, being single, it doesn't mean you have to go date. It's okay to just not worry about that sometimes, because it's not this whole challenging, goal in life. it doesn't mean anything about you, whether you're single or not, but you get to create the life that you want to create when you're doing things. You might want to create a life sitting at home and hanging out. That might be perfectly fine. But, like you said,"choose your hard."
Elaine:Yeah. Do I want to be sitting on the couch or do I want to be like, going out there and pushing myself outside of my comfort zone, but meeting people.
Cristina:A little bit of both.
Elaine:Yeah, I definitely believe in the law of attraction. People say,"oh, you have to love yourself before another person can love you." I don't believe that. But I do believe the energy that you're putting out is what's going to come back to you. And so the more that you can just raise your vibration a little bit by going out there and having fun and spending time doing things that light you up, the more that's going to come back to you. And who knows what way, right? Like maybe it won't be a romantic partner right away, but it could be a friend who has, like you said, someone who knows someone else.
Cristina:I catch myself saying,"you have to love yourself before you find somebody." And I cringe when I say that, I would hate when people would say that, and it's so confusing to be like, what do you mean? Like I love myself," Whenever I catch myself saying that, I'm like,"stop it," because yeah, I'm being one of"them."
Elaine:Yes and it's so hard when you have these insecurities. We all have our insecurities and I'm out there dating and I have my moments where I'm like,"this sucks, there must be something wrong with me. Why can't I find a person," right? So it's in those moments it's hard to be like,"if I don't love myself, like no one's going to love me." And it's just a downward spiral of negativity and despair. Yeah, like we got to get away from that and just think of it as like,"how can I be happier in my life? Even if I have these insecurities and challenges and I'm not happy with everything, but what are the things that I can do just small things to make me feel a little bit better to get me out of my house, to feel confident going out to social event." And then, and just having that energy out there and trusting that, then it'll come back in some way.
Cristina:I've noticed I'll look through posts and stuff when I'm scrolling on the internet and I try to be compassionate about people. Somebody was saying,"sometimes it's just so hard and people don't understand that I suffer from social anxiety disorder. So it's such a struggle for me to get out and go out and meet people." So when people are just like,"oh yeah, it's so easy. Just go out and hang out with people." again, with the self care, you got to start from where you're at, you know what I mean? And so I am definitely an introverted extrovert. Is that what it's called? Like I'm extroverted and I can talk to people or whatever, but I would much rather be at home. Yeah. But when I'm out and I have the energy for it, but I forget that not everyone's like that and I try to be compassionate about it. I just think it's important to start where you're at. you want to bring a buddy, you want to just go and have coffee and just little by little.
Elaine:Yeah. And it is. That's like true. That's what I do with my clients. It's just like tiny little changes just a little bit at a time starting where you're at. And I think in terms of that social stuff, and it does sometimes when you hear experts speak about whatever they're passionate about and you're like yeah, that's easy for them. Like they, they're extroverted, they know all this stuff, like they can just do it. But we all have our stuff and we all had to start somewhere. And so everyone does and the more that we can just be aware of those thoughts that we have and figure out like just what is that one little step that I can take. Maybe it's going on Eventbrite and just looking at social things that are happening. And then signing up for a couple events that are free, so there's not really any commitment, but you're just getting excited, like getting in the mindset and then maybe it's just like one social event a week, sometimes that's all I have capacity for because I'm definitely an introvert. And I go to one thing and then I'm like,"all right, I'm done. Like my social battery is full." And so giving ourselves permission to do whatever is right for us and that can be hard to know when we're constantly being fed all these messages and what we should be doing and shouldn't be doing and what's good for us and bad for us. And there has to be a process of discernment and being able to shut out some of that noise and really Get to know ourselves.
Cristina:Right, like you have to learn how to trust yourself. There's people that are just like, yeah, you can just go out and meet people." I always say,"discomfort is the price of growth," and I do believe that but when I say that I don't mean Go have a panic attack because I'm telling you, I'm not talking about that kind of discomfort. like uncomfortable looking through Eventbrite.
Elaine:Yeah. Yeah, exactly. And just increase your tolerance a little bit at a time.
Cristina:Yeah. Like when you go to the gym, it's sometimes people don't want to go to the gym because they have all these thoughts about the gym, but what if you sign up for it? And then what if you sign up for it and just drive to the parking lot or get your bag ready? Eventually you're gonna go, but you just have to practice those baby steps and that's okay. It's nobody's business. It works for you. You don't have to go and tell everybody. Hey guys, I drove to the parking lot of the gym today. That's a really big accomplishment for you. Yes. That's something to celebrate.
Elaine:And that's why sometimes it's fun to like work with someone who can support you in that, with you and dating or with me and wellness and have someone who can acknowledge you for just driving to the parking lot and, getting there, signing up for that membership. Because you don't want to tell everyone those little steps, but I'm so excited for that.
Cristina:Yes, I know. I have a client, like I was saying, her goal right now is to sign up for one social event a week, and she's trying to create a balance between her home life, her work life, and her social life. So as much as she's trying to grow a social calendar, she's still trying to do her at home health and her own self care and make sure that her house is ready and clean and that her laundry is done and stuff like that. So there's like this balance, and sometimes you get tired of being out in social events and you need a break. So she's trying to figure out where she is with that. What is a good balance for her? It's amazing.
Elaine:Yeah. And that's its own process, right? Is once you like throw a new thing into the mix. It's okay, now how do I like recalibrate all these things I'm already doing to fit in this new thing too. And yeah, that's amazing.
Cristina:So how do you define self care?
Elaine:That's a great question. Before we started recording, you mentioned that it's not all just like bubble baths and massages and I think I am 100 percent proponent of that, that we, again, like with social media, it is just so hard to shut out all that noise and I think the like wellness industry is really warped right now. Something I've experienced especially like living in Houston and coming from Colorado, is that Colorado is like a very wellness oriented culture and everyone's outside all the time, which makes sense because of the geography and just in the climate.
Cristina:You're not in 100 percent humidity 24 hours a day.
Elaine:Yeah, absolutely. And that was what I grew up with. And then I moved here and I'm like, okay, now I'm inside for six months of the year. Like I don't go outside because it's miserable. But, in Houston, I see self care as very like topical almost where people are really concerned with their image. And it's hard to see that because like when I show up places, I just let my hair air dry. I don't really straighten it because it gets really frizzy in the summer. And I wear makeup, but not too much. And it just, it's hard to show up when you feel like maybe you're not meeting that external image of what everyone else expects. And that can be in so many ways, but self care is that like taking care of your physical image. And I very much am like, no, it needs to be mind, body, and soul. Like it needs to be, you need to do internal work too. And I think that's almost more important and getting that all taken care of and aligned. Then the external stuff, because I do believe that follows. But the other thing that I think about self care is we just have to take it back to the basics. I think the basics have always worked, and we have gotten away from that with all this, all the, things that people are trying to sell and all the beauty products and whatever. It's no, we don't need any of that. We just need to move our bodies in whatever way we like to do. I do believe that there is a type of movement that everyone can love and that everyone can not everyone, some people who are physically unable may not be able to, but In some way, move our bodies and whether that's like dancing or swimming or walking. I love walking. Yeah, me too. And I'm like, that's perfect. That's totally great. And it's so good for our bodies. Eating nourishing foods, getting enough sleep journaling, having some kind of mindfulness practice, some kind of gratitude practice, something that helps us with our mindset, making sure that we're keeping a tidy home. There's so many components of health and wellbeing. And so just addressing a little bit of each of those, but keeping it really simple and not trying to find shortcuts. Because they don't work and they don't last, a short solution is going to be good for a short time. Yeah, exactly. And so what I really help my clients with is developing healthy lifestyles that they can sustain forever because it is a process that we have to sustain forever. It's not, you can't go to the gym one time and then be fit forever or eat one vegetable and then be healthy. Yeah, just like making sure that you're doing a little bit of each one of those and committing to. Doing it forever, which kind of stinks, right? I wish it was easier than that.
Cristina:You're forming your version of what health is to you and what makes your energy up high and it looks different for everybody.
Elaine:Yes. Yeah. And that's it. It looks different for everyone. And so we have everyone has to go through the process for themselves of what does this look like? And I think this is something that is I think about a lot in terms of like, what I want in a partner, because in my last relationship, my lifestyle completely changed. And I lost a lot of myself and the things that were important to me in that relationship, because I was younger, I was in my mid twenties when we started dating and I just didn't know how to make sure that I was prioritizing me and I was just going along with it. But when I ended the relationship, it was like around the time when I started to really care about my health and start working on my healthy lifestyle. And so now it's something that I do want to seek out in a partner because I know that I am very influenced by my partner's habits. And so if I am with someone who just likes to sit on the couch all day and wants to, not do anything on the weekends I'll be fine with that for a while, but then I know longterm that's not going to be a lifestyle that I want to live and that will help me live the way I want to in, 20, 30, 40 years. We have to go through that process of figuring it out for ourselves and then figuring out, okay, now what's important for me to find in a partner and then how, that we can support each other or maybe not, maybe people don't need that. But It's the lifestyle is a really important thing, I think, in relationships and being compatible.
Cristina:For sure. My vision of what I wanted in a partner was like, you said what kind of person are you like on the weekends? Do you want to get up and go walk, three miles and come back and go get brunch or do you want to sleep in until 1pm There's different kinds of people, you want to go to church or whatever it is, but I had the vision of yeah, I'm going to go get up in the morning and I'm going to go walk and, have some coffee and then go get a brunch and then I'll come home and do whatever and then hang out." But that's not what really my life is. With Ryan, but that's okay. He's got a different schedule, like he works a night shift, so he does sleep in, and it doesn't mean that I have to do exactly what he's doing. I'm completely comfortable with, if I want to be the person that gets up in the morning and goes and walks he doesn't need to hold my hand. Like I feel independent enough to decide this is what I want to do. So I'm going to go do it. And again, I'm also currently choosing not to right now, but yeah, it is my future self plan. So I know like anybody listening, any of my friends are like,"girl, you know that you don't get up on Saturday and walk." But yeah It's something that I envision that I plan on doing to keep my health and my energy up and that's what makes my energy positive, but I'm okay right now, if I decide, it makes you happy to go sleep. It makes me happy to get up and walk and then have some energy and go have brunch. I guess you're going to miss out on brunch,'cause I'm going to have a great time." And so I think that is important. It was important to me in our relationship. And even though I currently didn't have it, it wasn't what I asked him, when we were getting to know each other, like,"how do you expect us to spend your Saturday morning?" and I decided, okay that's not what it looks like for us right now. I can make it that way for me.
Elaine:Yeah, and it's really, like we go through seasons of things working now and then things not working. And so, I think the important thing is that that's something that you want and knowing that you can go back to that anytime and that's a possibility for you. And it's, it gets really hard when you're like, I don't even know. I don't know where to start. I don't know what makes me feel good. I'm just lost. And that's cool that you like have that vision and maybe at some point things change.
Cristina:And actually do it.
Elaine:Yeah. Yeah. And then maybe at some point, like your partner goes with you.
Cristina:You might get a new job, like a job shift change and have weekends off or whatever. And, he's not opposed to it. It's just not a realistic option for him now. And same thing, like right now I'm doing the practice of waking up earlier. I used to wake up at five o'clock in the morning and go to work. I know. But I work from home now. And so I like to roll out of bed at 7:55a, go make coffee real quick. And I come to my computer and I don't want that to be me. I want to wake up. I want to work out. So I'm like, Been putting my alarm clock on at six o'clock in the morning and then I snooze till seven. And I'm like,"Hey, I got to start somewhere." Yeah. I know that's not the healthiest way to use your last hour of sleep, but I'm trying. And so I don't wake up at seven 55 anymore. Now I wake up at 7:30a. And so I'm like, okay,"five more minutes earlier, five minutes earlier." I'm trying to get there. So yeah, my goal is to be a 5am person. And I want to be able to use that nice quiet time to work out, go walk, use my Peloton, journal, do my gratitude, make my plan for the day and then have coffee and then get to work. I want to be able that when I get into work, that I'm focused for work. I'm not barely, Oh I need to play on social media for an hour first."
Elaine:"To wake my brain up." Yeah. And it is really a lifelong process. Like it's something that we're always going to be working at and tweaking. So that's the perfect process for you. It's just to tweak five more minutes, five minutes earlier. And then eventually add in this next piece and then add in the next piece and then at some point it's going to not work anymore and you're going to have to change all over again.
Cristina:And I think it's really, it's like an adjustment that you're never going to have the perfect life. The, the perfect life is going to be what you're making it, it's just a decision away.
Elaine:And being content with the process of, this is it, this is life. It's me doing this thing today, choosing to get up five minutes earlier." And it's not about the end goal because once the end goal comes, like there's going to be another one and another one. Yeah, exactly. We don't get to that.
Cristina:Like right now my goal is five minutes earlier.
Elaine:Yeah.
Cristina:Yeah, and it's just, I think having those little wins too is so important because it is like the same thing with weight loss, you have this end goal and it's just lose the pound this week, just a quarter pound it's a pound. You know what? Gain a pound because like life is 50/50, it's ups and downs. Your weight's going to go up and down. You're going, I'm going to sleep in on accident and not wake up at, seven 30, and I'll wake up later. It's just, you have your ups and you have your fallbacks and that's okay. It's like the process and enjoying that being like. It's supposed to happen this way and I'm learning from it and we're moving on.
Elaine:Yeah. And I'll give you like a little hack and your listeners, a little hack, thinking about like weight loss is a really concrete goal, but we can do this with any, anything, but thinking about goal setting instead of an outcome that I want to achieve. I want to lose. I want to lose five pounds or I want to get eight hours of sleep a night because like you said, things fluctuate and especially like women's bodies. And so those numbers don't mean as much as what, why do you want to lose the weight? Why do you want to make sure that you're getting more sleep? And usually it's because we want to feel better in our clothes. We want to feel more confident in our bodies. We want to be able to move around. We want to have long term health. And so instead of focusing on like the number, focus on what are you going to do to eventually experience that and trust that'll happen if we focus on the process. And so it's a process oriented goal. So instead set your goal of what am I going to do every single day? My goal can be to exercise. My goal can be to eat a vegetable with every meal. My goal can be to make sure I'm getting, doing an hour long wind down routine, getting in bed by 9 p. m. so that I can Set myself up for good sleep and who knows how many hours I'm going to get, but like focusing on the process that sets you up to eventually reach that goal. And then that feels a lot more successful when you're like, okay, I ate like three vegetables every day this week. I didn't, it's not showing up on the scale, but I know that I put nourishing foods in my body. Yeah, absolutely. And giving yourself credit for those little wins. Instead of just like focusing on what didn't happen or what is still missing what you still have to do.
Cristina:Yeah, it's my evening one part of my evening time routine is assessing my day And I used to have this like plan that like a planner and a journal about it and stuff but like now I just do it, just have a just a couple minutes to just Be intentional and think about it, and I'll be like, what worked today? What didn't work today? What can I do better tomorrow? And just acknowledge that. So I can have those little celebrations. This is what, makes me happy now. And it's again, and I just use weight loss because everybody talks about weight loss, but it's not, you know what I mean? Just, it's just a common thing that people see, but,
Elaine:We could do it with dating. Like I, I had a goal this year, one of my resolutions was to like find a partner and I have not. And so I'm like, have I failed? I gave up on the goal, but that's another story. But my, what I was, what I'm like basing my success on or my, whatever is not Did I find someone what I have to focus on is just what is within my control because I can't force myself I mean I could find a boyfriend if I wanted to right like I could find someone you could go to the bar and be Like you're gonna be my boyfriend. Yeah, and not but is that person actually someone I want to be with right? So instead I focus on Did I go, this year I tried speed dating. So I'm like, did I go to a speed dating event this month? Have I been out and being social in the world? If I was on dating app try to start a conversation a day or whatever, try to get on a date. And so focusing on like the process rather than the outcome helps you to just reframe the success and say, okay, I'm making the effort and I'm doing these things again with this law of attraction. Like I'm putting the effort out there and putting the energy out there. And I trust that it will come back to me in some way at the right time, when it has the highest possibility of perfection, like it's all going to unfold how it's supposed to.\And just really focusing on what can I do today, right now, and that's it, and not worry about the outcome.
Cristina:Yeah. It's like, how can I, like myself right now, what, was the accomplishment? What were you able to accomplish today?
Elaine:Yeah. Yeah. Yep. Exactly.
Cristina:You have any suggestions on good law of attraction books? Or sites or anything. What's your favorite? What's your go to?
Elaine:That's a good question. Law of Attraction books specifically, probably not. I'm trying to think of just good mindset books. Yeah.
Cristina:I know there's so many
Elaine:I think"The Four Agreements" is really good. That's it's a lot of the work is just like personal, mindset development in terms of self care, I would say there's a book called"Real Self Care," I actually have it somewhere around here. So it's,"crystals, cleanses and bubble baths, not included." It's about the systemic structures that like make self care hard and make our mindset around it hard to accept. Yeah. So definitely read this one. This one's really good.
Cristina:Let me take a picture of it. So I love it. All right.
Elaine:It's just like a constant process, and again, there's no like silver bullet or one solution or quick fix. That's gonna just make it easy. All of a sudden, it just has to be a commitment towards like continuous growth. And it doesn't have to be a lot of work, but just focusing on again, those like small steps that we can take to, to just better ourselves a little bit and be able to show up more confidently and more authentically every day.
Cristina:Thanks. That's awesome. I love it. How can people find you?
Elaine:So they can follow me on Instagram I'm@ESP_Wellness. You can also go to my website espwellness.co and I have some free resources there. We can set up a discovery call if you want to chat. And I have a really cool resource. It's called"Life and Alignment: a Practical Guide to Living your Values." And it really is just this process of discerning like what is most important to you and then how can you live that out. And I do believe that when we are living from our values and that we're doing the things that we love and that we really care about, everything else just falls into place. So it's a really good resource for people to start to just explore this. What is important to me? It's important to know that going into relationships, right? They can download that on my website too. That'll be on the homepage.
Cristina:That sounds so good, I'm going to have to download it myself.
Elaine:Yeah, absolutely.
Cristina:I will put all these links in the show notes as well, so that people have access and it's easier for them to get it. So you'll have that resource as well, website, and your social media links. So awesome. Thank you so much for meeting me and chatting today and I really appreciate it. Thanks so much.
Elaine:Thank you.