Episode 17: Fears That Hold You Back From Dating

In Episode 17 of The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast, Cristina delves into the fears that often hold people back from dating, especially plus-size women. Drawing from her own experiences, she identifies key fears such as not being good enough, fear of judgment or criticism, and fear of getting hurt. Cristina emphasizes the importance of self-validation, embracing authenticity, and using positive self-talk to overcome these fears. She reassures listeners that experiencing rejection is an opportunity for redirection towards better opportunities. The episode encourages listeners to overcome their fears in dating and pursue the happiness they deserve. Cristina closes with a reminder that fear is normal but can be conquered. Happy Halloween!

00:00 Introduction to The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast
01:06 Exploring the Fear of Not Being Good Enough
02:55 Overcoming the Fear of Judgment and Criticism
07:57 Dealing with the Fear of Getting Hurt
10:37 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

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Transcript

Cristina: 0:00

You are listening to The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast, Episode 17: Fears That Hold You Back From Dating.

Speaker: 0:10

Hi, I'm Cristina. After 10 years of dating, I was tired of attracting the wrong type of guys and thinking I had to lose weight to find love. I finally figured out how to date and I found the love I thought I would never find I'll teach you dating advice, share dating stories and the dating drama. My goal is to help you have fun and create the life you love. If you're ready to take your dating to another level, then listen up and let's go.

Cristina: 0:39

Hello everyone. I'm so excited about this episode today. We are going to talk about fears. I figured since Halloween is coming up in a little bit that fears would be fun to talk about, basically what's holding you back from going on dates. There's some fears inside, like what's so scary about just getting out there and going on dates. There's a lot of hesitation that people have. The first one would be the fear of not being good enough. A lot of times we don't feel like we're good enough and our potential partner or the date that we're going on, might not accept you for who you are or what you believe in. It could be your appearance, your personality or things that you like to do, your hobbies or interest. You fear that that might not be good enough. I just wanted to say we're all good enough. We're all enough. If you're not"good enough" for someone else, it's just that they're not your person. There's nothing to fear about not being compatible to people. Sometimes we don't like people. Sometimes people aren't for us And I'm not saying this just dating related. People don't always like every single person they approach. And it doesn't mean that you're not good enough. It just means that you're not a great match and compatible, with that specific person. One way of overcoming that is to shift to self validation. Instead of looking for others for validation, you have to look in within yourself and celebrate what your strengths are, what positive things you have in your life and what values you have. So I always talk about recognizing wins and celebrating wins and having gratitude at the end of the day. Just taking a few minutes. If you're a journaler, just journal down the five wins that you have for the day. If you're not a journaler, just taking that time to be intentional to think about what great things you experienced that day or what you completed or accomplished that day? Having those reminders and those quick wins teaches your brain that you are good enough. Another fear would be fear of being judged or criticized. Especially for plus size women, we tend to have this feeling that when you go on your first date, they're not gonna accept you for who you are. That you are gonna be judged by what you look like or the space that you're taking And we worry about our standards and society believing you are not enough. We look at society's standards judge ourselves criticize ourselves and we have that fear we're going to be judged by somebody else. I used to say,"hello, I have eyes. I know I'm fat." I still say it, but I would say it as this protective layer to pretend like I wasn't hurt by people judging or criticizing that I was overweight. But it really does hurt my feelings when I feel that judgment or, I'm experiencing that emotion of criticism, by what somebody says or does. And I know that it's the security blanket by saying that, but it's really something that I was uncomfortable about. So anyways, one thought is,"I don't want them to be disappointed in how I look or disappointed by my weight." But again, who gives a shit? They're not going to be disappointed in your weight. They're gonna believe that you are not compatible with them. Like their attraction to you is not going to be the same as what they believe they're attracted to. It has nothing to do with you. It's not about whether you're good enough or not good enough. But judging is normal. It's part of our life. We judge that's just how we live in our human life. Just because somebody is judging you, it doesn't necessarily have that heavy of a weight. The word"judge" creates a lot of heavy, negative feelings, but it's doesn't have to be so heavy. It doesn't have to be like,"Oh my God, they're judging me." It could just be a quick judgment like,"that person isn't for me." It's just a decision that they made. Now, if it's going on and on and they're rude or they talk crap to you that's a different kind of judgment and criticism. But if it's just"Oh, she's bigger than I thought she was online than in real life. So my bad. I'm not interested." It doesn't have to be a big deal. It's just somebody making a decision that you are not for them. Overcoming that fear of judgment is being able to embrace your authenticity. You are who you are. You like the hobbies you have, the personality that you have and your quirks and your interests all these things that create who you are is what's making you authentic and knowing who you are and knowing that it doesn't matter what people think of you is a great way to get over that fear of being judged or criticized. Who cares what people think? It's all about how you feel about yourself every single day that you wake up. Practicing positive self talk, just like I was saying with overcoming fear and thinking about your wins and celebrating your wins. It's positive self talk, right? And catching yourself when you say things that are negative and interrupting your brain and being like,"no, that's not true," and then reinforcing it with something positive. It takes practice to be able to do that, but it happens and it works whenever you do it more and more. So being able to catch yourself and being like,"oh, he thinks I'm not good enough," and then you stop and you're like,"wait a minute. I am good enough. Who cares about what they think? I'm good enough already today, just as I am. If they don't see my worth, that's a shame for them." They're just not your person. Reinforcing that self confidence and positive self talk and interrupting those negative moments helps you judge and criticize yourself less. You don't want people to judge you and you don't want people to criticize you. Then why are you criticizing yourself? Why are you judging yourself? if you don't want other people to do that, don't do it to yourself, when you stop accepting any kind of personal judgment and criticism for yourself, you stop accepting it from other people. Another one is, the fear of getting hurt. A lot of people don't want to get hurt. They've been burned before really bad in a relationship or they fell in love with somebody and it didn't work out. It's soul crushing to recover from that emotional pain when the door closes with somebody and you are afraid to open up the next door, and it's a lot to handle, but we've got to experience pain before we experience happiness or experience fear or hurt. before we experience that, peace and that happiness that you have, like our life is 50/50. If we didn't experience sadness, we wouldn't understand what happiness was. So there's a moment in our life where we have to sit through that emotional pain to get to that happiness. And once you get there and you try again, then you are capable of recovering. Yes, there might be a time in your future where somebody hurts your feelings, or you break up with somebody or it doesn't work out and you're crushed again, and you're heartbroken again. But you already know that you had the ability to move on before that you were capable of healing from that previous relationship. So when you go and seek a new one, even if it doesn't work out, you are capable of healing and moving on. it's the risk you have to take to get the reward. If you don't ever want a relationship again, that's fine, but own that. If you do seek a relationship or companionship, know that the possibility of being hurt is normal and it can happen, but it's part of the process. One of the things I love to think about is, rejection as redirection. When you feel rejected from somebody, if you go on a date and they ghost you, or they're not interested in you, or maybe they love bomb you and you have this awesome experience with this person and then they drop you. That rejection is there and you feel it, but realizing that's also a redirection is giving you an opportunity to move on and get away from that situation. It's a blessing. It's an opportunity to move on and create room for you to find the right person that's for you. So you're just getting rid of that negativity and moving on from that. It gives you a chance to look forward and keep on going. So those are some of the fears that people have that are holding them back from dating. I know that a lot of those things held me back, or I would go in these cycles where I'd be really up into dating and then I'd have to take a break and slow down. So fears are normal. Being scared is normal. Just know that, it's also normal to be able to overcome them. So thank you guys very much. I hope you have a great, rest of your week and a safe and happy Halloween. Talk to you next week. Thanks.