Episode 19: The "3 Message Rule"

In Episode 19 of The Curvy Girl Dating podcast, Cristina addresses the '3 Message Rule,' a strategy to streamline online dating by quickly identifying unsuitable matches. She discusses recognizing red flags such as demands for additional pictures, pervy and inappropriate messages, and profiles lacking effort or information. Cristina emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries, identifying patterns that lead to attracting the wrong type of guys, and focusing on efficient communication to find more compatible partners. Listeners are encouraged to customize the 3 message rule to their needs and prioritize their time and energy on meaningful connections.

00:00 Introduction to The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast
00:43 Understanding the 3 Message Rule
02:03 Red Flags: Asking for More Pictures
03:47 Red Flags: Inappropriate Conversations
06:03 Red Flags: Lack of Effort in Profiles
07:57 Creating Your Own 3 Message Rule
10:03 Empowering Your Dating Choices
12:20 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

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Transcript

Cristina: 0:00

You are listening to The Curvy Girl Dating podcast Episode 19, the 3 Message rule.

Speaker: 0:10

Hi, I'm Cristina. After 10 years of dating, I was tired of attracting the wrong type of guys and thinking I had to lose weight to find love. I finally figured out how to date and found the love I thought I would never find each week. I'll teach you dating advice, share dating stories and dating drama. My goal is to help you have fun and create the life you love. If you're ready to take your dating to another level, then listen up and let's go.

0:41

Hello everyone. Today on episode 19, we're going to talk about the 3 message rule. It's basically to learn when to swipe left on someone, when you just started chatting with them on a dating app and they already sound like they aren't for you. And sometimes you don't know that, but that's a skill that you will learn. A lot of women talk about how they always attract the same kind of guys but the thing is you're having the same conversations over and over again, that lead to the same guys that you're attracting. So you got to nip that shit in the bud and stop it at a few sentences. So the 3 message rule can help you manage some of those DMs of people that aren't going to be a match for you. I'm going to give you just a couple of them. There's a million different kinds of ways to figure out the 3 message rule. This is a great thing that you get to customize once you start learning about the kinds of people that you're attracting that aren't for you and see a certain pattern, you can create your own 3 message rule with different things that you know aren't going to lead to somebody that is a good match for you. Number one. People who immediately ask you for more pictures. Especially if you already have a lot of great pictures on your profile. Full body pictures without lots of filters, pictures that show who you are and your interests. You're not in a whole bunch of group photos or you're not hiding your body and you're proud of who you are. When you have a profile full of pictures like that. You don't need to be sending anybody, any other pictures. Those 8 to 10 pictures, should get enough information to know if they're interested in talking to you further or not. The first thing they say after,"hello," is, do you have any more photos or can you send me more pictures?" And they're eventually going to just say,"can you send me a naked picture?" If you're"not getting the hint" was you probably already did get the hint, but they just haven't said it and you're too smart to give them the naked picture. They're finally just going to give in and say, I want a naked picture of you and it's super annoying. If that's not your thing and you're not interested in sending people naked pictures, then stop. If they're asking you for more, you can tell them,"there's 20 pictures on my profile. You can take me out if you want to see more of me. Take me on a date if you want to see what I look like in real life, take me out." What else do they need to fucking know about you? If they already seen 20 pictures of you? There's nothing more that they need. Just nip it in the bud."No, thank you. You've already seen my pictures. Take it or leave it. See you later. Bye." That's a waste of time. That is a time waster. The second thing that I would say is when someone says hello, and they sound like they might be a good person or whatever, and then they start getting immediately pervy and gross, like maybe fetishize you or something and it's immediately inappropriate to have that conversation. If it's immediately inappropriate you got to just stop it right there. Pump the brakes, block them, swipe left, whatever you need to do. And, I'm not shaming people, if that's what they want, if you're interested in online dating, and that's the kind of person you're looking for, then that's great. You go ahead and do that. That's, there's nothing wrong with finding the kind of people that you want to date, and if that's a match for you, then it's a match for you. But if it's not, and for most of my clients, it's not what they're looking for. They're looking for more serious relationships. Then that is not the avenue that you want to go through. You want to make sure that you're stopping all of that and not catering to it. Don't be flirtatious and be like,"They're just being gross, but maybe they won't act like that for me, if I set a boundary." No. They're going to act like that with you and with other people that they're talking to. And if you set a boundary, they're still going to do it with other people and be gross. So it was just inappropriate, does not like they don't have manners, especially if you already created the boundary and you say, no, thank you. And they still keep going. That they're not people that are going to respect you and your boundary. So just be done with that. It's a waste of time to make excuses for them that maybe that it's going to be different with you, or maybe you have this magical power to make them stop being gross, perverted people. Don't even waste your time on that. You have precious valuable time to talk to people who need to be taught manners. Y'all are grown. So anyways. Obviously, I get very, passionate about talking about people that are jerks. So the third obvious one would be, somebody sends you a message, you look at their profile and check them out, and you don't have any interest in them. Maybe their profile doesn't have enough information. It might say,"just ask." Maybe it's completely blank. When they say boring things like,"just ask," that doesn't show the effort that they're making into finding somebody. It's lazy. And maybe I'm judging, but it's lazy. I don't want lazy people. And another thing is that they don't have any pictures or they have bad pictures or they don't have pictures of themselves. Or they have pictures of interests and hobbies that you don't like. Maybe they like going to concerts and you don't like music. Maybe they like hunting and you don't. Maybe you're an animal rights activists and they go hunting. It's not matchy. So you guys don't have the same hobbies or the same interests. Just because he loved bombs you or says something nice and compliments you or something in the first few messages doesn't mean that it's going to work out. It just means that he's sending you nice, decent messages. But if you have no interest and you have nothing in common and you don't really like him, then why would you keep talking to them? Let's say they have kids and you don't want kids. Maybe, he sounds rude, rejected, and angry on his profile. It sounds like he's not over his ex yet, or he's still processing his breakup and so he's angry in his messaging. Why would that be an appeal for you to continue talking to that person? What are 3 message rules for you? What would be something that is a total deal breaker that you can put the boundary on immediately for yourself to be like,"oh, this person is doing what I don't like. We're going to swipe left and we're going to block and we're going to move on." Do you have something like that? Do you need something like that? Are these 3 message rules going to help you date more efficiently and go through DMs more efficiently because you're already going to know what to look for that is not compatible for you. So just take some time this week and think about. What patterns do you see that people do in their messages when you're talking to them that make you believe it's going to go somewhere where you're not interested in going. And when are you going to remind yourself this is going to lead to the guys that I always attract, and I'm no longer going to take time talking to people that I attract that are wrong for me. And we're going to stick to finding people that are interested in me that I'm actually interested in and that we are compatible and have some common interests. It doesn't have to be 3 specific messages you can have conversations with people and take as long as you believe is necessary to get enough evidence to know they're going to be the wrong kind of guys for you. But don't let it drag on. If it takes you a week, it takes a week, but don't let it take months and don't let it take years of your time. You want to be able to stay single and find people that you have the potential to date instead of be miserable and just to say that you're with someone. So that's a whole nother podcast, but. How can you date most efficiently where you know that you're in a place have more power or control of your dating life? Where you can know that you have choices. Like you don't have to like anybody just because they're talking to you. You have more choices to talk to people other than the ones that are just coming to you right now. You can say no to them. It is okay. That isn't all that you have out there. That's just all that you have right now in front of you. But you don't have to keep staying around with those people. Because you have options. What are some things that you can look at when you're reading some DMs? It's going to be a slippery slope into the same kind of guys that you attract, that you are not interested in. What is that going to look like? What kind of phrases do they say? What do they talk about all the time, maybe there's a pattern. Maybe they always talk about themselves and they don't get to know you or ask you anything. Or maybe they're love bombers and it's like too good to be true. Talk about their ex all the time, you could still tell they're a little wounded and they're just not over that break up or whatever. Those are clues of people that you should probably let go and heal on their own. It's not your job to fix those people. They're grownups and need to experience their personal growth journey, just like you do and they can do that by themselves. Then y'all can talk about it if you want to later. But when they're still in that moment where they're not in full headspace to be dating, recognize that and know that you need to put, the brakes on and just move on. They might be a great person, but if they have some, personal things to work on that is just a little bit too much that is going to get in the way of a healthy relationship. Then maybe that's just not the right person for you at the right time. Let me know, send me an email. Have a good week. That's it. Bye.