Episode 24: Leaving Negativity in 2024 - Part 1

In Episode 24 of The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast, Cristina introduces the series 'Leaving Negativity in 2024.' She reflects on her experience with negative self-talk and common complaints shared in online communities. Cristina offers actionable steps to identify and counteract negative thinking patterns, emphasizing the importance of replacing negative self-talk with positive affirmations. She shares examples from her own life, including techniques like gratitude journaling, structured daily planning, and setting positive reminders. Cristina encourages listeners to do homework by identifying their own negative triggers and finding empowering solutions.

00:00 Introduction to The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast
00:41 Cristina's New Year Reflections
01:17 Leaving Negativity Behind in 2024
06:08 Understanding Negative Self-Talk
09:50 Practical Steps to Combat Negativity
12:55 Daily Habits for a Positive Mindset
22:01 Homework and Final Thoughts

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Transcript

Cristina: 0:00

You are listening to The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast, Episode 24: Leaving Negativity in 2024, Part 1. Hi, I'm Cristina. After 10 years of dating, I was tired of attracting the wrong type of guys and thinking I had to lose weight to find love. I finally figured out how to date and I found the love I thought I would never find each week. I'll teach you dating advice, share dating stories and help you ditch the diet drama and help you ditch the dating drama. My goal is to help you have fun and create the life you love. If you're ready to take your dating to another level, then listen up and let's go. Hello everyone. How are you today? Happy New Year. I hope that you have enjoyed the first week of the year. I, most certainly have. I've been to a concert. I went to a concert on Friday and saw my favorite band from when I was young, MXPX, a little punk rock band and had a great time. That was Friday night and, I had to recover a little bit on Saturday, but that's okay. So yeah, it's been a great first week of the year. So far so good. And I'm looking forward to what happens next this year. I got a long way to go. So anyhow, today we're going to talk about Leaving negativity in 2024, just leaving that behind. I was looking at a post today in Facebook, in a group that I follow. And that was one of the questions. What are you going to leave behind in 2024? So I was really interested into seeing what people had to say. And a lot of it was negativity, lack of confidence, talking shit about other people, toxic people, all those things. So basically it's all under the negativity umbrella, right? So I was thinking about creating a little series of it. So I don't know how many parts of it that I'm going to cover in the next few weeks, but I figure there's a lot of negativity that people have that we can drop and learn how to transform our year 2025 into something a little bit more positive and more future focused in a different direction instead of carrying that weight of that negative energy. So instead of just saying negativity, like what the fuck does that mean, right? Because just saying you're gonna leave negativity behind doesn't really give you any actionable steps or anything to identify to actually fixing it. So I want to go into detail with that. Again, there's so many different ways that we're negative. Our minds generally go into the negative first, because that's just how our brains work. If you don't know, our brains work where it's trying to protect us all the time. So it's easy, and we first think of negative things before we think about positive ones. Because our brains are trying to tell us, You need to be safe. So don't touch that. It might be hot. Don't put that in your mouth. What if it's spicy? Then you're gonna get indigestion and maybe you shouldn't go outside because it's too cold and it's too hot. What are you gonna wear? All of these things are your brain telling you be safe. You got to be safe. Can't go outside because what if somebody's out there? What if you're going to have a stranger? Make sure that you lock your doors. Have you locked your doors? Have you looked in your car yet before you go and go into it? Make sure that you carry your keys between your fingers so that you have a way to protect yourself. Oh, don't forget that you're going to need mace if you go outside and you're shopping. Where should you put your purse? Are you going to leave your drink unattended when you go to a bar? All these things are your brain. Keeping you safe, right? And it doesn't necessarily mean that it's negative. It's keeping you safe, but it's a lot of energy to be putting when you also have the choice of kind of just doing your thing, right? You can have all of those thoughts, but the weight of it. And being like living in fear is different than just like having it in the back of your mind of Oh, yeah, these are things that I need to be aware about. Being socially and like mentally aware and having that ability to recognize those things is one thing but when it's like keeping you from going out or doing things or functioning as a normal human being, that's where it can become debilitating. So there's a slight difference in carrying that weight and just being socially aware of yourself and your surroundings. Cause of course we want to be safe. We don't want to just throw all that shit out the door and be like, Oh, fuck it, we can just go outside and not worry about if it's hot or cold, wearing the wrong things, I'll just wear the wrong things and I'll just be hot and cold. Whatever. Maybe I'm not exactly explaining it in the best way, but I'm hoping that you get the point of what I'm trying to say. Is it really that big of a deal? If you go outside and it's too hot and you don't have, you're not dressed appropriately, then change your clothes. There's a solution for it, right? There's no need to go into fight or flight. just change it. Figure out the solution instead of not wanting to go outside because, oh my God, I can't make a decision. Anyways, I'm really going a little south in this conversation, but I hope you get it. So moving forward, keeping the weight of being in that negative cycle in that low value cycle is just not what you want to carry on into 2025. Lighten up, think about those things enough to where you can function, but just have fun in your life and just, keep it simple. So negativity in 2025. We're not going to have any of that this year, right? So what does that mean? Where does it start? How do we fix it? First things first, and I always say it because it's the most important thing is negative self talk. Talking shit about yourself. Whenever you're talking shit about yourself, you're keeping yourself in this low value cycle. What do you do to catch yourself when you're talking shit about yourself, right? How do you know when you're talking shit about yourself? First of all, take a minute to write it down. When do you talk shit about yourself? So like for me, if I would to get out some paper and a pen right now and journal about when I talk shit about myself, I can keep on going for a while, but it could be, how I feel about my body. When I say how I feel about my body, I'm not necessarily talking about what it looks like, but sometimes how I'm feeling, like I might feel really full or really bloated or sometimes. If I just feel really heavy and then I start being like, Oh, I shouldn't have had this last night, or my body's getting old and I can't drink the same things and eat the same things that I used to. And that really sucks. And I can go on and on about one thing, which is my body feels big today, and it can go in this cycle and it can never end. I start blaming myself. I ate too much salt. I drank too much alcohol. I had fried food. I had dairy. I didn't have enough protein or enough fiber. And those are all okay things to make as observations, but they don't have to weigh me down, right? Like it could be data or it could be this whole negative energy that's like pulling me down and putting me into this Doomsday thought cycle, right? And I don't want to be in that heaviness, right? So how can I make them become observations and data versus making it shit on my whole day? Because of the one initial thought,"my body feels heavy today." That's not even with weighing myself or anything. Just"I feel heavy today." It doesn't have to become this shitstorm, dumpster fire. It can just be an observation. Okay. So what was the data? What did I eat? I had these things, right? Which one of these things made me feel like my body is heavy? Which ones didn't? Which ones serve my body and help fuel my body? And which ones don't? So that is just enough journaling for one thought that I have for one day, right? And that gives me a chance to have the data to figure out how to get out of it. So next time I wake up and I'm like,"Hey, my body feels heavy today." That needs to be the trigger for me to be like,"we're not going to go and have a dumpster fire of thoughts. We're going to check on data and see what's important and what are these observations that make my body feel this way," right? Like it's just information that I know about myself and there's a solution to that. So what is the solution going to be? So we're going to be problem solving in 2025, not sitting around in our own sadness and depression for one little thought, right? We're just not going to do that. So our minds are a lot stronger than we think that they are, and we just have to develop the skills and practice retraining it into being a problem solver and a troubleshooter, instead of being like in this funky ass mood all the time. So that's just one example. There's a thousand other ways I talk crap about myself and you probably do too and we're gonna, find those triggers, find out what those words are, where we start going into that low value cycle, catching it and instead of spiraling into negativity, we're going to replace it with some more empowering statements or actual solutions to those things, right? Because they don't need to be problems. For example, when it comes to dating,"I'm never going to find somebody." That's always the thing. I'm never going to find somebody. I'm never going to find somebody because I am too amazing and they don't understand and they're intimidated by me." Whatever. That might even be like a good thing, right? Oh, I'm so amazing, but nobody's gonna like me because I'm too amazing and I'm going to intimidate them. Like you start already talking shit about the compliment that you just gave yourself. That's self sabotage, right? So just the whole simple statement,"I'm never going to find anyone," that puts you in that like low self worth and that shit talking moment. So saying that versus"I haven't found the right person for me yet." I'm ready to be open to find the right person.""The right person's going to come to me. When the time is right, you know that puts your mind into a more progressive positive energy. So the word"never" is the one that's keeping you down and keeping you in that negative energy. So changing the word"never" to"I haven't figured out yet." This is something that I'm looking forward to changing," you know, instead of never. Never is absolute. So give yourself the opportunity to have options and have solutions. So changing that is just one simple word that can completely change your attitude from that negative self talk to some morsel of possibility and positivity, right? So we're going to leave the word never behind, I"shouldn't" be doing this. You can do whatever the hell you want. Like I"shouldn't" be overeating. I"shouldn't" be over scrolling on the internet when I could be doing this. Yeah, you could be. So then decide, right? So there's a lot of words like"shouldn't" and"never" that really stop us from moving forward. We want to catch those words and figure out that more empowering statement or just that empowering word. Change that into, a more positive energy instead of that downward spiral. We're trying to go up and not down. Creating some sentences or some, affirmation, some ways to boost your self esteem and counteract those negative beliefs are going to be really valuable for you in 2025. So how can you do that? What would be a solution? I love post its. I love writing things on my mirror. I like to constantly see things that give me positive affirmations during the day, or just a little reminders. There's apps on your phone that can send you a little notes during the day, just randomly that say,"Hey. Don't forget to love yourself today," or"drink your water because it's good for your skin." Like whatever it is that you need to have as a reminder,"Hey, take your medication today, take your supplements today whatever it is that you need help on, right? They're just small little reminders to like, pep yourself up because you might be sitting in a funk. Which is okay to be in a funk sometimes. We don't have to fake being positive or whatever. Our lives are 50/50 and we go up and down and that's okay, but you just don't want to get stuck in it. You have to know that there's an option available to you that can help you get out of that negativity. So if you're sitting in a funk and you get a little, reminder on your phone or on your watch that it's a nice little daily affirmation that says,"Hey, you love yourself today." It's something that helps you change your mind and be like,"oh, yeah, I am amazing." Today is an option to have a great day," if, whatever phrases that empower you to get yourself that morsel of happiness, and peace, put those in that app or just put them on post its around your house in your car on your visor when you pull it down every day because it's sunny instead of bitching that it's sunny outside you could be like, Oh,"the sunshine is here today. I'm so lucky for it to be sunny today." Just anything that can remind you,"this doesn't have to be shitty today," even if you have to write that down, lots of different options, right? So anyways, Stop talking shit. Stop feeling like you have to be negative about everything. It doesn't have to be an option. If you have an option to have a good day, why are you gonna have a bad one? So that's pretty much a really good start to leaving negativity behind in 2024 and starting fresh in 2025. So if you want to do the homework, then go and look right down ways that you catch yourself feeling crappy or talking crap about yourself. What are those? Is it the minute that you wake up that you have your alarm that you want to snooze and every day when you wake up you're like"Fuck, I have to start my day." What is it that you're saying that starts your day off shitty? Cause I'm guilty of this. Many times I wake up cussing out the alarm and then blaming the alarm because I went to bed at one in the morning and I had to get up at seven. It's not the alarm's damn fault, it's my fault that I didn't go to bed early. You know what I mean? But I'm taking accountability for it and not blaming time, right? So instead of cussing out a timer, telling you to wake up Remind yourself,"Hey, tonight, I'm going to get great sleep and I'm going to go to bed at a reasonable time because that's how it's going to make me have success tomorrow." That's going to be what it's going to take for me to not cuss out an alarm. My alarm says, you're going to have a great day today." That's what the name of my alarm is. So it just makes me feel a little better that the first thing that I read, today is going to be a great day." And also the music that I choose, too, is, just a very low, mellow tone that Apple has on there, but it just creates like this nice, quiet, start and it gets louder, so that it's a pleasant tone. I can, hear it and not freak out, right? Some people like to have crazy punk rock music on and I love punk rock music, but that's not what I want to hear the first thing when I wake up, I need a little bit slower of a sound to get me up and get me going. Just little things like that are helpful to notice. You guys, it's very small, but it makes a very big difference between your entire day and how you're going to start your day. So I can't emphasize enough that starting your day off on a good foot, with a little bit of positivity is just a game changer. I like to journal in the mornings. I like to have my day a little bit structured. I know what I'm going to eat. I write down what I'm going to eat for the day every day so that there's no guessing. I don't have to worry about,"What do I want?" I put lots of options on there. I put options with good intentions of what I want to eat to fuel my body. Do I follow it some days? No. do I follow it most days? Yes. and sometimes if I want to indulge a little bit, I'll put that too, but I try to be as honest as I can with myself about what I'm going to eat. I like to structure my day. I like to put what food I'm going to choose to have that day. I like to, look at my hydration. I try to drink a certain amount of water every single day. I try to put my priorities down for the day. What do I want to achieve for the day to be productive and consider myself having a successful day? Every single day I get to decide what my success is. If you're not going to do anything today and you're going to sleep and have some self care day and if that means watching TV all day and not having any responsibility, I'm going to write that down. And that's going to be what success is for me that day. So I get to decide that. I put myself in charge of what I'm going to do for the day, right? And I get to make that decision and decide ahead of time. Whether it's going to be a super productive day and I do all kinds of stuff, or my productivity is, conserving my energy and getting a fresh start, that's what it's going to be. I like to put, any movement that I plan on doing. If I plan to have any type of movement, I have a goal this year to do 30 minutes of movement. We're gonna start with three times a week doing 30 minutes of movement and that's what we're starting and we're gonna progress with that. That is gonna be my minimum baseline this year. I get to decide that ahead of time. I'm also deciding in the morning, I write gratitude, right? So I write some things that I'm thankful for and sometimes it's all over the place. I can be grateful for sunshine. I can be grateful for rain. I'm grateful that I woke up and showered and did my makeup this morning. I, put on a necklace. I don't put on necklaces to stay at home all day. But I did. And it made me feel good. And I'm grateful that I took that time to take care of myself today. I'm grateful for my pets. We're going to have, a"winter storm" for Houston. It means it's going to be 29 degrees for a night or two. But the ability for me to prepare for it and do whatever we need to do to make our house ready for our pipes and our pets and our plants. I'm grateful that I get to have the time to do that and prepare for my home to be safe and for us to be safe and have everything we need groceries, gas, whatever. So that's something to be thankful for. It starts with just little conversations like that, but it makes a big difference. If you're seeing it as gratitude versus Oh my God, these chores that I have to do today, stupid weather," like that's too heavy. That's just not an energy that I want to carry on. And it's not just about myself. All of those things have to do with my own thoughts and that's what's putting the weight down on me. So even if it's not just me, but it's the weather and it's how I think about it. It's the way that we think about everything is what affects us. Negative self talk doesn't have to be just about me. It's about everything that surrounds us that can potentially be something that's going to make me miserable, right? That's what negative self talk is to me. So anything that I'm talking about my environment in a negative way or talking about things very selfishly or that I'm mad about or whatever, that's negative self talk to me because it's involving me and my thoughts and my mind and putting this heavy weight on for me. That might not be your definition, but it is for me. Cause I just don't want any of that around me. I don't want that, that feeling that weight to me, I feel like it's heaviness and I don't like it. So if I can change one little thing and make it something to be grateful about and have it be gratitude, even if it's the weather or the chores that it's going to take to make my day happy, then that's going to be gratitude for me. So anyhow, getting back I just want to leave you with the homework of What are your solutions? What are facts? What is true? What can you change? What can you control? And what can't you control? What is out of your hands? Like, how can something that's out of your hands just not weigh you down, right? What can you do to just be like,"Okay this is nothing that I could do. I just have to wait for, The next step, right? What's the gonna be the next decision and what are this is something that I can control from the first part that I can't." Anyhow, your homework this week for week one of our negative series is figuring out what those triggers for you that put you in that negative downward spiral. Again, I mentioned using the word never, using the word should, waking up first thing and having a shitty attitude, just talking about your body, talking about your dating life and how something's never going to happen, all those things. It puts a weight to you that just really puts you in a funky ass attitude. So how are we going to change our little attitudes around this year that we're not going to be in a funky funk and we're going to truly be in peace and joy and happiness in the times that we can control, right? Sometimes we can't control those things and we're gonna feel sad and upset and frustrated and angry and that's okay again, but those are things that are out of our hands that we can't control that we have to manage afterwards. So when you can control these moments in your life, how can you put them in a more positive light? That is your homework this week. If you would like to have homework and you really want to work on negativity and putting it behind you and have that be your resolution for the year, what a great way to get started on that. There you have it for the week, you guys. So I guess we'll talk about it next week. Let me know, send me an email. If you have questions or if you want me to talk about your specific situation, or you want advice, send it to me and I'll talk about it on the podcast or email me back. Just it's whatever. I want this podcast to be, this open forum, if you want to be on the podcast because you want to talk about something together with me, just send me an email let's talk about it. Don't be shy to message me about something you want to talk about, you want me to talk about. Something that you maybe disagree on and have a question about it. If you want something a little bit more clear, you want some clarity or we can agree to disagree in a nice, positive way because we're not going to talk shit this year and we're not going to be negative this year. But if we want to have a nice, conversation and agree to disagree, that's great too. I'm here for it. Let's keep this an open, podcast. I want to hear what you guys have to say. I want to know what you want me to talk about. I can't encourage that enough this year for the podcast. I love to have discussions and I want to talk about what people want to hear. Don't be negative today. What can you be grateful for today? What can you be happy about? It's Tuesday. If you've got to look forward to the weekend, what is it that you're excited about? Be positive today and I love you guys so much and have a great day. Bye.