Episode 26: He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

In Episode 26 of the Curvy Girl Dating Podcast titled 'He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not,' Cristina discusses how to discern a man's genuine interest in you. Drawing from her personal dating experiences, Cristina emphasizes the importance of consistent communication, active listening, and thoughtful date planning. She shares insights on how to identify superficial behaviors, such as flaky plans and minimal effort in conversations. Cristina also highlights the significance of body language, verbal compliments, and vulnerability in determining a man's true feelings. Additionally, she provides advice for those struggling with recurring dating patterns and encourages listeners to schedule a free consultation for personalized coaching. The episode aims to help listeners avoid unnecessary dating drama and build meaningful connections.

00:00 Introduction to the Curvy Girl Dating Podcast
00:42 Weekend Recap: Chili and Gumbo Cookoff
01:35 Main Topic: Does He Like Me or Not?
02:23 Signs He's Interested or Not
02:54 Communication: The Key Indicator
05:54 Making and Keeping Plans
09:15 Body Language and Compliments
10:47 Personal Stories and Vulnerability
14:01 Consistency and Genuine Interest
15:01 Ryan's Unique Approach
18:12 Red Flags and Mixed Signals
23:38 Conclusion and How to Work with Me

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Transcript

Cristina: 0:00

You are listening to the Curvy Girl Dating Podcast, Episode 26: He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not. Hi, I'm Cristina. After 10 years of dating, I was tired of attracting the wrong type of guys and thinking I had to lose weight to find love. I finally figured out how to date and I found the love I thought I would never find each week. I'll teach you dating advice, share dating stories and help you ditch the dating drama. My goal is to help you have fun and create the life you love. If you're ready to take your dating to another level, then listen up and let's go. Hello everyone. Welcome to The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast. I'm looking a little busted today, but I'm just not even worried about it. It's been a fun weekend and I had a really nice time with my family. We went to a chili and gumbo cookoff. I participated in it with my uncle and it was for our neighborhood. And so my uncle and I, signed up for this cookoff and we had a really great time. It was freezing for us. It was 40 degrees, but it was so cold. It was so cold, but it was sunny as it was really nice to be out and warm up with some chili and just listen to music and a live band and all the things. So we had a really nice time. So anyways, I'm a little busted from that because I'm just tired. So it was a long day. Anyways, Today, we're going to talk about a big topic that is super important. It's does he like me or does he not, and I remember I spent so many times talking to my girlfriends about, I don't know if he likes me. And what do you think? And he said this and like we would overanalyze text messages or conversations that we had and think, what does he mean by that? And it just took a lot of time to do that. And had I known that some signs on if this person was into me or if this person wasn't into me It probably would have saved me a lot more time and I'd have a lot less overthinking than I did for 10 years. So I'm offering you signs that he is interested and signs that he's not. This is not solid concrete proof or anything. Cause of course everyone is different, but overall, these are some general characteristics of, he loves me, he loves me not, right? I remember playing that game when you were a little kid with the flowers. Anyways, did anybody else do that? Or when you pick the petals off flowers and he loves me, he loves me not? Anyways, I remember doing that when I was a kid. So one thing for sure is, the type of communication that you have. Is it consistent or is it inconsistent? If he tells you good morning every morning and then asks you how the weather is and asks you how your day was and then tells you good night every day, and it's the same conversation every single day, that does not mean that he's interested. You are misinterpreting that. It either means that he's interested and he doesn't want to have a conversation, or it means he's just not interested and he's just keeping you around for whatever reason. Cause he's bored or he needs a ego boost or something, but he is not interested. If all he's asking is"how's the weather, or it's so cold outside.""I know we live in the same town. I can make that observation as well." Oh, it's raining so hard today.""Thanks. I looked outside," right? So anyways, I've called those,"how's the weather" guys plenty of times before, if you've heard me for a while, but, the"good morning, good night" guys, that's all they say and they don't really have any substance. They're interested to a degree of keeping you around for some reason, but that's their own personal gain versus anything else. But I would, in my opinion, believe that is not someone who has a genuine interest in you because they're not getting to know you. They're not being vulnerable. They're not asking you good questions or getting to know your real personality and who you are. It's just at a very superficial level of"hi, how are you? And good night." Number one sign: just communication overall. So one, it's the consistency of how often he talks to you. And then another thing is active listening. When you're getting to know each other, is he actually listening to you and thinking about you and asking questions that go beyond that? Is he paying attention to you and what you have to say? And is he like genuinely curious about your life? Do you have hobbies and interests? Is he asking you about them, getting to know what they are. Does he have the same interest as you? Is it something that you can go on future dates on and, enjoy time together doing a common interest? What are the conversations that you're actually having? Are the conversations all superficial, just talking about work or, telling Superficial stories about the day. Are you talking about your family or past stories that created your personality or were like some stories that were building blocks into creating the version of who you are today. What kind of conversations are you having? Are they genuine and actually with substance or are they superficial, so that's a way to understand. So communication is so important. What you guys are talking about in general. Another one I would say is plans. Is he making plans and following through? Is he asking you out on dates? And maybe he's not a person that always wants to make the plan on dates, but is he making an offer to open up and ask you,"what kind of date would you like to go on? I'd like to see you again. What would you like to do?" And maybe he needs some help, initiating a date plan or creating something that he wants you to like as well, right? Because what if he's making all these dates that you don't like? So that's a personal insecurity for guys sometimes. So a lot of times they do ask for your input because they want to see you having a good time and they care about if you're having a good time or not, right? So if they make all these plans and they're boring and they have nothing to do with you and you don't like them and it's all kind of his interest. Like say you hate sports and he keeps taking you to baseball games. He's not giving you opportunity to put any input. He's not even asking you or caring if you like baseball or not. Like he likes baseball. He wants somebody to go with him. So he is inviting you. Yes, he's getting to have a good time, but there's not really a direct connection on whether or not you care or like the date at all, right? So that's what I mean by personal gain, I guess. So, pay attention to the kinds of dates that you're going on and do you actually like them? Do you have an input? If you don't can you say,"hey, can we do this instead?" So if he's actually trying to hang out with you and he continues to go on the dates and he doesn't stand you up all the time or make other plans last minute or make up stupid excuses to get out of dates. If he's flaky, then he's not interested. Of course, people have plans change at the last minute or there's an emergency or something and things come up and you might have to reschedule a date. That's totally normal, but is it constantly, is it consistently? Do you make a date? Every week and you only see him once a month and it just depends on that frequency of how often he's like flaking out on days or might just initiate the idea of a date, but never carry through and actually create the actual date. So he might be like,"oh, yeah, we should go to dinner sometime." But then it stops there and he doesn't ever tell you the time and date and place to go to dinner. It's because he's not really genuinely trying to commit to that, and if he's trying to do that so that you can speak up and say something, try it. Speak up and say something like, yeah,"I would love to see you," Just seeing how he follows through on dates, he might ask for half your input. And if he says,"Hey, we should go to dinner sometime," and that's an opening for you to say,"Oh yeah, I love Mexican food. Are you free on Thursday?" But if it doesn't go through and he's just ignores that and it's just okay, yeah, we should go out on a date sometime." Then you'll eventually get the hint that is just someone who's not interested. He's just a flake. And he's just talking to you because Is bored or something, right? I don't know the real reason, but he's not interested in a commitment at that point is really the point. Body language: is he staring at you? Is he looking forward? Is he asking you questions again? Is he like trying to be a little bit more affectionate, maybe trying to hold your hand, or does he open the door for you and let you in? Does he, put his hand on your shoulder or, what does he do that shows, in body language that, He's has any kind of physical or emotional connection and is he tuning in with you? Is he showing comfort and an attraction or is he rigid, turning away, looking around, on his phone. If he's not paying attention and just being real dismissive in his body language, then he's just not interested. He's focusing on you or the conversation or getting to know you and the body language that shows that is a more telling sign on if somebody is interested or not. Complimenting you,"you look nice today. You're so smart." It doesn't have to be about your appearance. Complimenting you beyond your appearance is another thing talking about how you're so funny or you make me laugh."You're so smart." that was one thing Ryan used to always tell me that he was so impressed about how smart I was. He's just like,"you're the smartest person I ever met," which I'm just like,"Oh, thank you." I'm no Einstein or Marie Curie or anything, I'm pretty smart, I think. So anyhow, he just made me laugh, whatever he would say that. But it was a compliment and it made me happy. And then of course, being vulnerable and telling personal stories that created his character, some personal challenges he may have had, talking about his family or how he grew up. Sharing with you and showing that he trusts you and that he can be vulnerable and he's comfortable creating an emotional connection. That vulnerability can be a telling sign of somebody who is comfortable being around you and is interested because he is sharing those moments with you. I know Ryan, with all of these things, he always asked me very important questions that nobody ever had asked me before. He would ask me things like conflict resolution: like,"when you have a conflict with your partner, how do you like to resolve conflict? Or"what's the worst fight with somebody? What happened?" Because of course somebody wants to put their best foot forward when they're having these conversations and they're like,"oh yeah, we just have a really serious conversation." Or if they tell you a story, and they're like,"oh yeah, that one time I got in a fight with my boyfriend and I broke the tv'cause he was playing video games too much." That's a lot. It tells you a lot about a person if that's how they resolve conflict. He would ask me questions that would tell a lot about a person or examples about, how I would act about certain things, right? Like hypotheticals and stuff like that. So he got to know me in a different way, but, I appreciated the fact that he asked about conflict resolution because he asked it in a genuine way. He didn't say,"Oh my gosh, my ex was so crazy. Every time we'd get in a fight, it'd be about this." He wasn't talking to crap or anything. He's just like,"couples getting arguments. Sometimes it's something that they need to resolve. How do you resolve it?" Anyways, I won't go on and on about it, but that was one of the things that, really sparked me to see that he was actually interested in me. And it was a different kind of interest that I've ever seen or experienced before compared to the other people that I had gone on dates with for 10 years. So it was really interesting, the kinds of questions that he was asking me were very genuine and personal and trying to get to know me on a different level and just not very superficial. So that was a real, big sign for me that Ryan was interested. And he remembered little things about me telling him things. So if I told him, I had a big day at work, he would make sure when I got off of work, he'd asked me about my big day. He was like,"I know you were nervous about this day today. How was it? How did it go?" And at that point I'd forget that I had even told him that I was going to have a big day and how I felt about it. So remembering that I was nervous about work was a really a nice feeling to know that he was remembering small things about our conversations and thinking about my feelings and stuff like that. So that was a really different thing that I've experienced before in dating other people. He was really showing active listening and genuine interest when he would ask questions like that. And of course, his body language was, always attentive and respectful and, he wasn't gross and grabby. It just felt really good to be complimented in different ways other than"oh, you look great." So it was just nice. He was a very good communicator. He still is a very good communicator. He's very expressive about his feelings. He wants to know how I'm feeling. He just really thrives on using feelings to create, results and actions, right? Feelings are just really important for him. So it's nice to be around somebody who can actually have conversations that are in depth. Because thoughts create your feelings. So if he's expressing his feelings, then he's expressing his thoughts. Or he wants to know what I'm thinking about because he wants to know how I'm feeling. It really stood out. And at one point, our relationship was a little bit rocky when we were dating and getting to know each other. I told him that I wasn't interested. And, just like I had told other people,"Hey, I don't think we're a good match. I don't think that I'm really interested. I thought I really liked to you and wanted to get to know you, but it's just not working out." So I'd get different reactions, but they were very like,"okay, that sucks because I liked getting to know you," or I'd get whining and complaining about it because the rejection, and rejection hurts and I get it so they're upset about it, Or I would get,"you're fat anyways," or something stupid like that. They'd have to put me down or try to insult me. So then they can feel better and not talk to me and feel like they got the last word or something and be like,"I was just talking to you because I felt bad for you because you're ugly," or some dumb shit like that. So, I would tell people I wasn't interested. Ryan was the only person who fought for me and called me out on it. He was just like,"that's bullshit. I know we've had a connection because of A, B, and C. I really wanna know the real reason why. Saying that we don't have a connection and that you're not interested is a blanket excuse about something, but there's something that you don't like. Something that I did or said was enough for you to not be interested. What was it?" So it really took a long time for me to get out and tell him the truth and, after we had that conversation, everything was fine. We didn't just scoop back in and jump back into our little dating phase. I wanted to be friends with him. And he was like,"if that's what it takes to be in your life still and be friends with you, then we'll just be friends and I want to get to know you in a friendship level." And so we were friends for a long time until we got to know each other. He gave me that time to find that connection and stuff like that. He could have just been like,"screw this. I don't want to work this hard for some girl," and just moved on. But he didn't, and he waited and he was patient and he got to know me still, and he was very respectful. Finally, I could see that he was genuinely interested and I started creating those feelings that were deeper than a friendship, and we talked about it one day, then we grew our relationship to another level. Anyhow, it just took a while, but he was very consistent. He made dates. He was respectful. He asked genuine questions, all of those signs. I never had to question with my friend, I never had to overthink it. I never had to run to my friend and be like,"Hey. What do you think about this text? What do you think?" The signs were very clear that he was interested versus me overthinking and questioning and staying up all night and being insecure."Did I do this wrong? Did I say this? Oh, what if I said this and it was the wrong thing to say," nothing like that ever came up. And so, it took me a minute, but it was definitely something that stood out for me to understand that he was interested and that I ended up becoming interested, too, because sometimes somebody can be interested and then they're just not a match for you. But he happened to be a match for me. So if you've experienced people who are inconsistent and don't prioritize you at all, like they always make plans with their buddies and they don't make plans with you. They might just text you. But you're always second to any kind of real connection or communication. His communication is super minimal. He might just message you in the evening time before bed or something, He responds when he wants to he doesn't, care if you respond, it might be two or three days that go by and he'll say hi again or something. He's not too busy. People will find time if they're interested. They even have time to say,"Hey, I'm really busy right now, but I will make time to talk to you at this time or this date." So people make clear communication when they are able to talk to you. They're reassuring you that they can be consistent, if that makes sense. So if there's no consistency in communication, that also means they're not consistent in getting to know you and having that genuine connection. So everything is very superficial. There are no deeper conversations. If he's avoiding deeper conversations, it's just, he's just not interested. He doesn't want you to know about his personal life. He doesn't want you to know about his friends, Doesn't want you to know where he works or just anything like that. He doesn't keep dates, he flakes out, he only talks about surface level information and doesn't share true interest or true stories about who he is. If he's not curious about your life what you do, what your hobbies are. If he's not looking and being genuinely curious about your life and how it would work together in a relationship. Not interested. he doesn't like you. If he's got like hot and cold behavior again, he talks to you when he wants to. He sounds really interested. He might say some fabulous shit, but then it doesn't match with the actions, right? He's just saying words that sound good to keep you around. It's just to give you an emotional reaction, but it's really some surface level BS that he's just telling you because he just wants to keep you around. So it's a hot and cold behavior. He's just playing games and he's not genuinely interested or wanting to become more involved with you and form any kind of stable connection. He's just being a weird dude that likes to give mixed signals and play games. Keep away from those people. If you have your head spinning and you're constantly questioning,"does this guy like me?" and overthinking everything he says and every single text and stuff like that. It's too much. It's too much stress Like you don't have to think that hard. You just don't want to have a relationship with when you have to work that hard And yes relationships take work but if they're not trying at the very beginning They're not going to try later. That's just a little personal experience that I feel that. Is the flag of disinterest, right? And then again, just keeping you away from his personal life. He doesn't want you to hang around his buddies. He doesn't care to hang around your friends or your family. That would be probably dates that he would sell out on or, get an excuse to leave. If you're like,"Oh, come to my sister's birthday party." It's too close. He doesn't want to be around that. So he might say,"yes," and then like out with some lame excuse. But he also doesn't reciprocate no friends, no family for you to meet of his. That's not ever going to create a long term future with somebody. And it was somebody with kids that's a little different. I really don't have a whole lot of experience. The only experience I have with dating guys with kids is that I never met their kids, right? So they weren't really interested and they weren't matches. But, if there was somebody, I can't imagine that they would want me to jump in and just hang out with their kids either. So I'm not saying one thing or another on how kids are introduced into relationships because I really don't have that personal experience to share. So I don't want to talk shit or whatever. And I know a lot of girls are like,"Oh, I've been dating this guy for six months, but we never go out in public." Then you're not in a relationship. You might be dating or you might be hooking up, but you're not in a relationship. Don't call it that. Don't give them relationship level luxuries if they're only meeting you at friendship level. There's different things that you do for people at different levels, like an acquaintance at work versus, your work bestie. You have different levels of conversation and interaction that you do with them. So don't give somebody a personal interaction that's a lot higher or more worthy than the level that you're at. So don't give somebody girlfriend behavior when you're not their girlfriend. Again, somebody reaching out on their own terms, like if they're not consistent and they only want to hang out with you or talk to you when it's convenient for them and it's a personal gain for them and they're not really concerned if it's, a good time for you. If he's contacting you and it's only convenient for him, then he's not really prioritizing you or anything. Hopefully that gives you a little bit of security or just some peace in your heart that you know you're going in the right direction with somebody or if it's time to cut ties with that person. So that is what I have for today. If you want to learn how to work with me, look in my show notes, I have a link for a free consultation. You can come and we'll have a conversation and get to know each other. We'll see where you think that you're struggling in your dating life, or if you want to begin dating and you're not really sure how, and you have questions about it. That's what I work on with a lot of my clients. Or if they're dating and it's the same kinds of people over and over again, and they want to do something different. I work to challenge them on, getting a little uncomfortable and doing things differently so that they can try to find a relationship that is more meaningful than the ones that they've had in their past. So there's so many different ways that I can work with people. I help people create tools and create systems that they can have a better balanced life. So then they can have a social life and they can go out and be single and they can go out and learn how to date or whatever it is. So there's different things that I can help to help your single life, right? It's not just dating. So if you have any interest or any desire to work with a dating coach and you want to know what it's like, go and schedule a free consultation and just get to know me and see if it's something that you'd be interested in. And if you are great, and if you're not, that's okay. I would love to chat with you. You can look on my website to learn a little bit more about me. I've been on a ton of podcasts. I have links to different podcast episodes that I've been on before. So if you want to know anything else about me, please look at the show notes and I have all of my information there. Thank you so much for listening today. I can't wait to talk to you next week. Bye.