The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast
The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast
Episode 31: Spring Cleaning Your Dating Life
In Episode 31 of The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast, host Cristina discusses how to refresh and revitalize your dating life as the season changes to spring. Drawing parallels between physical spring cleaning and emotional and social media detox, Cristina shares tips on updating dating profiles, reassessing non-negotiables, cultivating a positive mindset, and getting out of comfort zones. She emphasizes the importance of having an abundance mindset, being intentional with dating goals, and letting go of unproductive dating patterns. Cristina also touches on the importance of moderating social media consumption to maintain a healthy mindset and shares her personal goals for relationship growth. The episode encourages listeners to embrace the new season with confidence and take actionable steps towards improving their dating experiences.
00:00 Introduction to The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast
00:47 Spring Cleaning: Not Just for Your House
02:54 Revisiting Your Non-Negotiables
05:27 Detoxing Your Dating Mindset
07:41 Refreshing Your Dating Profile
11:14 Embracing the New Season
15:23 Social Media Detox for Self-Love
19:39 Conclusion and Final Thoughts
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You are listening to The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast, Episode 31: Spring Cleaning Your Dating Life. Hi, I'm Cristina. After 10 years of dating, I was tired of attracting the wrong type of guys and thinking I had to lose weight to find love. I finally figured out how to date and I found the love I thought I would never find. Each week, I'll teach you dating advice, share dating stories and help you ditch the diet drama and help you ditch the dating drama. My goal is to help you have fun and create the life you love. If you're ready to take your dating to another level, then listen up and let's go. Hello everyone. How are you? Welcome back to The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast. It's officially springtime and you know what that means, it's a fresh start. I love spring cleaning and I like to use this time to donate clothes that don't fit anymore and get rid of extra clutter that I have in my house and stuff like that. But spring cleaning isn't just for your house. It's also for your dating life. It's for your social media. You can spring clean anything that you need to do. So take in consideration that it's not just for your house, spring cleaning is also for you to have in your dating life. Sometimes you just need a little bit of detox, right? And you need a little bit more self-love, and maybe you're stuck in the same dating patterns or you're not going on dates at all, or you've been holding onto some situationships that maybe have expired some time ago, or you're just feeling. Blah about dating in general. We're gonna talk about it today and figure out what's keeping you stuck or how you can make some changes. So it's time to clear out the emotional clutter to refresh your dating standards and update that profile.'cause it might be a little bit dusty now since it's been a few months. Hopefully, if you've been, listening to my podcast. You might have already done your dating profile a few months ago, and it's time for an update if you haven't done that. So spring cleaning time is a perfect opportunity to update that dating profile to new, beautiful spring pictures. Get rid of the winter time pictures and start doing more fresh and outdoorsy spring type of photos or whatever that works for you in this time of the year. So get some new photos out there and enjoy this new season with some confidence. So let's get into it. How do you spring clean your dating life? Lots of different ways. So one thing you can do is look at your non-negotiables. Again, go and revisit that. I know a lot of people have a list of checks they need. And aside from throwing it away, because I do believe that you don't always need to have every single check mark done, but what is working for you and what isn't working for you in that checklist? What could you be open to modifying or deleting or adding? So if you look at these non-negotiables and they're leading you to becoming a person who's constantly in situationships, or you're constantly on first dates and never second dates, or you never get to a date, et cetera, this might be a time to start. Renegotiating your non-negotiables, right? And that's okay if you wanna modify some, maybe you've been single for a long time and what you thought was a non-negotiable a year ago might be different and might look different now than it did before. So identify, what is working and what isn't working, and that will help you find red flags faster and teaches you how to trust your intuition more so for sure. For sure. Look at your non-negotiables and reconsider or look to see if it's working or not. I'm trying to think of non-negotiables for me, like height. Is height, really important? I understand it might be for some people. For me, I'm very short, so anybody is gonna be taller than me, most likely. So yes, I am in the category of women who love those, 6+ foot dudes, but Ryan's not 6". It wasn't a non-negotiable, absolute no, you must be six foot tall. It was just not like that. Like I was open to meeting people of different heights. It didn't matter. Just like I want people to consider attraction or preference to curvier girls or something. I think it's fair in that way of having preferences also be open to different heights, right? So anyways, maybe that's not a good example, looking at these non-negotiables, what's really important and what's not. Another thing would be, detoxing your mindset, right? Your dating mindset. Are you starting to get into that mindset of,"dating is so hard. It's a cess pool. There's nobody out there for me." Are you starting to have that negative self-talk or have you had it for a long time? It's time to get rid of it. Right now is the best time to get rid of that kind of mindset. If you're dreading dating, you know, if you want something, you have to figure out the ways to go get it, right. So if you want a healthy, strong relationship, then what is it gonna take for you to get that right? You're gonna get the relationship that you're looking for when you're talking about dating and meeting people in a healthy, positive way, versus if you're shitting on it the whole time. So if you're talking about how shitty dating is, that's how you're gonna show up on dates. That's how you're gonna acknowledge people with an attitude, and it's gonna be shitty for you because you think shitty. So clean it up, take a chill pill and start having some positive thoughts about dating. Like how is it fun? How are you learning about yourself? What are the positives of going out and meeting people versus all the stressful, negative things, you know? how is rejection, not rejection? How is rejection a redirection? There's so many different ways to pivot that mindset to make it easier for you to go on dates and make it just bearable and actually fun. And that's the goal is we wanna have fun during our dating journey. So having that scarcity mindset is just not doing you any favors. The abundance mindset of"I'm gonna attract the right people, I'm gonna do my spring cleaning so I can attract the right people." That is where you wanna keep your mind at, instead of how dirty and gross everybody is, and there's no good men out there and they're all taken, that's just never gonna get you anywhere. So abundance mindset,"there's a lot of people out there. I haven't met them yet. I can't wait to go out and meet new people and find out more about them and see who I can find a genuine connection with." That's where you want to have your mind in and just refreshing that dating profile. If you refresh your dating profile, it freshens you up in the algorithm as well, and so it starts putting you back out into a new circle of people. So it's really important to go back into your dating profile and change it up, even if it's just a few pictures or maybe your negotiables are different. Just something that you wanna share with people on your dating profile. If it's relevant, then add it and share it there. There's a lot of different things that you could do to tweak your dating profile'cause it's never perfect. We are not perfect humans. There's always room for growth. There's things that you're gonna learn while you're dating that you might want to add into your dating profile. There's just a lot of things that you could do to tweak it and get yourself refreshed in that algorithm. So I definitely recommend, changing that up, putting in your spring and summertime photos, or even if something that you're looking forward to doing. You don't really wanna waste your photos on things that don't have your photo in it. Like, you don't need to create a vision board in your dating profile, but if you have one photo of, let's say, a place that you wanna travel to and you haven't gotten there yet to take pictures, then post it and talk about it. Just do something that's going to grab the attention of somebody and give them a chance to be able to reach out to you and DM you about something interesting. Instead of just saying"hey, what's up," right? So you want to take a look at your photos and see if there's something that you can change, and just get those vibrant pictures out there and those winter pictures, when you're all bundled up, it's time to go, right? Keeping your bio in alignment with your new photos is also an important thing. Talk about what you want. Do not waste your time on dating profiles talking about what you don't want."I don't want hookups, I don't want to be ghosted." Don't waste your characters on things that you don't want, because then it just also puts you back into that negative mindset. And you want to be in the abundance mindset and not in that scarcity mindset. That is something that you need to look at when you are talking about your photos and adding in your bio. So talk about what you're looking for and be honest about it. If you are looking for a relationship, say that you're looking for a relationship. Don't say, oh,"we'll just see what happens," because we're not on it for this long ass ride, like we're trying to make it happen and move on. You don't want to lighten up and not describe exactly what you're looking for, because if you sit there and you're like, oh, we'll just see and I'm looking for friends," and you're not looking for friends, then it's going to bring in the attention of the wrong people and you definitely don't want to do that. So another thing for spring cleaning is to get outta your comfort zone a little bit. You gotta clean out your fears, right? Everybody has that fear of rejection or that fear of going out and you not liking that person. So you want to clean out your fears and get outta your comfort zone a little bit, because if you're not willing to be uncomfortable and willing to face those fears a little bit, then you're gonna stay the same and you're not gonna have any growth. So discomfort is the price of growth. I say it a million times, it's one of my favorite quotes. So be willing to be uncomfortable so that you can find comfort, right? You have to get through the shitty parts of life before you get to the beautiful, amazing, wonderful parts of life. You don't know happy until you know shitty. And that's just how life goes. It's a circle. It's 50/50, either is good and bad, and you're not gonna find what's right until you find what's wrong and you acknowledge that it's wrong or you acknowledge it's not for you, and you learn from it and move on. So get out of that fear and, out of your comfort zone and try new things and talk to new people and, just practice being a little bit uncomfortable. When it comes to getting out of that winter energy, I know it's a little bit hard, we just had the time change, so the days are longer, it's gonna be brighter. Hopefully that gets you out of that winter funk. I know I've been in a funk for sure, the last few months really trying to get ready for springtime. It's been really nice the last few weeks here with an occasional, crappy day sprinkled here and there. But when those nice days are out, it's awesome. And it makes such a difference than feeling crappy on those crappy days. Hopefully more and more nice, bright, better days will be ahead and there'll be lots of vitamin C to soak up the sun and get into that spring step and out of that winter funk. So definitely let go of that hibernation mode and start, enjoying, more social opportunities. So it's a new season. Springtime. There's growth and flowers, sunshine and love and Easter and all the things. So enjoy the moment and the new season and try new things, Outta that comfort zone in that hibernation, sweatpants, cozy mode. It's a great mode to be in for sure. But right now, as the season is changing, there's a new great mode to be in and it's not hibernation. So be out and about and embrace the new season for sure. So what is a spring cleaning thing that you wanna do in your dating life? Since I don't have a dating life anymore, I don't know if I have a personal list, but one thing I could say is being more intentional with my dates that I do have with Ryan. When we do go on dates to focus on him, focus on us, focus on conversation, not just sit around on dates, like on our phones, like both of us being on our phones while we're going out to eat. Embracing the moment and talking to each other, yes, we've been together for five years, but we still learn different things about each other all the time. One thing I could do to spring clean our relationship is to ask different questions. There's books and there's cards and there's games that you could do with couples to get to know them in a different level. So I'm sure there's some questions that I've never asked him before that's in one of those books or games and I can do that to refresh our relationship and to spring clean for sure. Another spring cleaning thing that I wanna do, and it's not necessarily related to dating, but it's related to just my confidence and my self-love and my care for myself is social media detox. I love being online. I love being on social media and that's fine. I don't have a problem with it, but it's a lot of the things that I'm looking at or watching or paying attention to, that kind of shifts my mindset into a scarcity mindset or just, a mindset that's not in gratitude and, just positive and abundant. If I am looking at influencers who look like they have this perfect life and perfect house, it makes me feel less perfect. And again, none of us are perfect, but this is the image that people are creating and then the thoughts that they're perfect come into my mind. And they might not be, of course,'cause no one is, they're creating that sense of perfection that I am, looking at. And then it makes me feel less perfect and then it makes me not like my house as much or want other things that I don't have. What do I really want? What do I really need? What is really important for me right now? I put in a lot of active influencers on my social media lately because I've been working out and being more active. So sometimes I get a little bit too carried away and they're doing way more advanced things that I am ready for. And I used to be athletic. I was very athletic as a young kid, also as a younger adult. I did Brazilian jiujitsu. I'm a blue belt. I am one of those blue belt people that stopped training as soon as I got my blue belt. So I admit that about myself, but I still have my stuff. So anyhow, if I filled my social media with all these amazing beautiful women competing and being strong and capable and just amazing. That's just not where I'm at yet. It's nice to have maybe a few here and there so I can sprinkle it in and put that in my mental vision board, but if I'm flooding my social media with that and that's not what I'm doing, then it's not putting me in the right space. So again, like moderation, you can have a variety of influencers or things that you're looking at, that might be ambitious or however, but don't put so much that is gonna make you feel shitty, right? Have a balance. Like where are you now? Where do you want to be? What does that look like for you? And do a little bit of both. Put a little bit of current, version of yourself, like current Cristina. I like to do sourdough stuff. I like to do podcast stuff, business stuff, clothes, and, like fashion and makeup, and now I'm looking at makeup over 40, versus like little teenagers that do makeup or like young adults that are in their twenties and these beautiful makeup artists. I love makeup and I love looking at that, but am I really ever going to put makeup on like that? Hell no. I wanna smudge foundation on my face and pinch my cheeks and put some lip gloss on and be done. Like I don't want to put on this beautiful makeup that these women do. I want 40-year-old makeup now. So that's the influencers that I'm looking at. I don't flood my page with a bunch of people who I'm just never gonna look like. I like them, and I think they're beautiful and I don't mind following a couple. But I really like to look at people that are over 40 and are doing the same things that I'm doing. Clean out your social media to have a little moderation of your future self and your current self. Put yourself in that balance mode where you don't feel like you're in scarcity mindset, but you are also being able to be creative in your abundance mindset as well. You can see the steps that it's gonna take you to get there. There's never a straight line in your life. It's gonna go up and down. Being able to see that beautiful mess being created for yourself and that version of yourself that you're looking forward to it's, good to do that. So anyhow, I think that it's important to spring clean your dating profile and just your mindset and get ready for dating in the springtime and enjoy. So that is all for today's episode. If you're feeling stuck or uninspired when it comes to dating, I hope this episode gives you a push that you need to spring clean your mindset and reset your standards and start dating with some fresh energy. You don't have to wait for a perfect time to start putting yourself out there. Right now is the right time to put yourself out there. Just remember that. So get your stuff together and just say yes to dates. Show up for yourself, show up to be the person that you wanna be in your future version of yourself, and get out there and go date. So I wanna hear from you guys. So tell me what you are doing for your spring cleaning. What is your spring cleaning idea for your dating life? If you have any lingering dudes that are in situationships with. You're DMing them and it's not going anywhere and you haven't had any dates from them and they're just taking up your time because there's just a lot of chat and no action. Like spring clean that shit. Like block'em, get'em out, say thank you, but no thank you. So just remember that. You are important as well, and your time is valuable, and it is just not in your best interest to keep these lingering people that aren't on the same page as you. So just get rid of these people that aren't making any moves because they're still not gonna make a move. Yeah, I wanna hear all your stories about that. But, if you love this episode, please feel free to share it with somebody or if it resonates with you or somebody that you know, share the love. Follow me@thecurvygirldatingcoach, if you haven't yet on Instagram or Facebook, and you can join my email list so that you could hear about any tips or things that are going on in my world. I have different advice and dating tips and I talk about the podcast and just so many different things. If I have any webinars coming up or anything online, I like to tell my email list first before I tell social media. So if you wanna be the first person to have access to a upcoming webinar or something that I'll be hosting, then the email list is where you wanna be. Have a great day and I will chat with you next week. Thanks.