The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast
The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast
Episode 32: "She Must've Been Skinny When They Met." Challenging Dating Beliefs About Body Size & Worth
Episode 32: Challenging Shitty Thoughts about Plus-Size Women in Relationships
In Episode 32 of The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast, host Cristina Gonzalez addresses the common yet harmful thought that plus-size women in relationships with average-sized men must have been skinny when they met. Cristina explores the origins of this belief, how societal norms perpetuate it, and the negative impact it has on women's self-worth. She encourages listeners to reframe their thoughts, promote solidarity among women, and create a supportive and empowering mindset. The episode aims to help plus-size women recognize their worth and challenge destructive internal narratives.
00:00 Introduction to Episode 32
00:56 The Shitty Thought: "She Must Have Been Skinny When They Met"
03:18 Why Do We Think This Way?
06:22 Changing the Narrative
09:40 Practical Steps to Reframe Your Thoughts
12:00 Empowerment and Self-Worth
16:25 Conclusion and Call to Action
Consultation Call: https://calendly.com/cristinacoaches/discovery-session
FREE Curvy Girl Dating Checklist: https://thecurvygirldatingcoach.myflodesk.com/datingchecklist
Website: https://www.thecurvygirldatingcoach.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecurvygirldatingcoach
Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@thecurvygirldatingcoach
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thecurvygirldatingcoach
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@thecurvygirldatingcoach
Email List: https://thecurvygirldatingcoach.myflodesk.com/emaillist
You are listening to The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast, Episode 32:"She Must Have Been Skinny When They Met." Hi, I'm Cristina. After 10 years of dating, I was tired of attracting the wrong type of guys and thinking I had to lose weight to find love. I finally figured out how to date and I found the love I thought I would never find each week. I'll teach you dating advice, share dating stories and help you ditch the dating drama. My goal is to help you have fun and create the life you love. If you're ready to take your dating to another level, then listen up and let's go. Hey y'all. Welcome to another episode of The Curvy Girl Dating Podcast. I am your host, Cristina Gonzalez, and today we are going to go there. I am so excited about this topic because. It is so real. So let me paint a picture for you so that you can understand what we're gonna talk about today. It's just a little bitty thought that creeps up in our mind that it's pretty shitty and it's not shitty just for you, but it's in general, just a shitty thought for everybody. So let me paint the picture. You are out and about and you are having a great time, and it's a beautiful day and you're minding your own business and all of a sudden you see this couple, and it's another plus size woman and her average size guy, so straight size guy, not a plus size guy. Maybe he's a little thin. Maybe this guy is jacked and super hot. So like bonus points if he's like this fine as hell guy and he's with this plus size woman. What is the first thought that you might think? A lot of times that thought is,"she must have been skinny whenever they met." I'm just letting you know, it might have crossed your mind before in this lifetime. You're not alone and you're not a bad person for thinking it. It's a shitty thought. Okay we're gonna just say it that way, but it doesn't mean you're a bad person. But we're talking today about why you're having that thought, what it means, and how we can unlearn that belief or that thought about people, and teach yourself how to catch it and not think that way about other women because it's shitty. So how do we do that? Okay, so what if you were in that situation that you have that thought or what if you're that woman? Have you ever been in the situation where you are that woman? You are the plus size woman minding your own business with your hot ass dude or whatever your average size guy? Has anybody ever had a conversation with you that's insinuated that you must have been skinny whenever you met?"How long have you guys been together? You must have gained weight since you've met him, right?" Has anybody given you that passive aggressive belief or thought, whenever they're talking to you or having a conversation with you about your relationship, first of all, fuck all the way off, right? Because it's none of your business. So why does this thought come up? First of all, it comes up because that's just what we've been taught. Like it's been normal to have the thought that overweight people are of lower value or are unworthy of having a healthy relationship that we can only get whatever we get. We get the leftovers or we get what we deserve, or we're not good enough. That's just a societal norm that has been happening through our society for years and years that we've had movies about it. We've had movies about the ugly woman that gets the makeover and turns into a swan and everybody wants to date her. She was this beautiful person inside, but now that she's beautiful out on the outside, everyone wants to be her friend and stuff like that. So we've seen this movie a million times, right? And it's just plugged into her brain, it's what we've learned. We don't have to continue that narrative. We can create our own. So all of this that we see all the time is just something that we instill in ourselves and it's conditioned that we believe that we're less and that we don't deserve romantic relationships. And it's very harmful. Okay. It reinforces the idea that only thin women are worthy of love. And again, that we aren't worthy of it, and it's just simply not true. It creates this division among women and we're supposed to be in solidarity. You know what I mean? Women are supposed to support each other, and even if we're not supposed to, why not? It is old school to be a hater of other women, to put down other women. That shit is old. Like, why are we still doing that? We don't need to be talking about other people like that. If there's a woman, you need to high five her. You need to smile at her. You need to compliment her. We're talking about the just day by day woman that you see and not drama and just minding their own damn business. Why are we having to think about shitty thoughts like that? Oh she must have been skinny. She must have been skinny before. And that's the only way she got that guy." And again, I've had the thought too. I'm guilty of it. I'm guilty of talking shit about women. I'm not saying that I haven't, but you catch yourself and you become a better person by recognizing that it's foul and it's not fair. And the way to go is to hype each other up and change that narrative so that we're not talking shit and we're not judging women. And we're like,"you go girl. You go girl, for having that hot ass man." Why are we not supporting that and why are we not happy for that person? We need to recognize that our size does not equal our value or our happiness or our worthiness that we could be with whoever the fuck we want. And we have to believe in ourselves that we are good enough to get exactly what we want and what we deserve. So like how do you fix that? How do you get out of that thought? That you are not good enough, or that person isn't good enough for that guy. Like, how is that woman not good enough for that guy? Why? Why is that even any of your business, mind your own business and worry about yourself. Worry about what is in your head that makes you think that and makes you believe that about that person, right? It's a harmful thought. Again, you're not a bad person for thinking it, but we have the opportunity to change it. Like why have those crappy thoughts in our head when we can have thoughts that are empowering and thoughts that are helpful and useful. Why can't we just be happy for somebody else? Whenever you feel shitty and comment shitty things about people, it's because that's how you're feeling about yourself and it says a lot more about you and what you think about you than about that woman. She's just going about her day. She's with her hot ass man and she's just trying to have a nice time and a nice life, and she does not need your little thoughts creeping up in her business. So#1, keep that shit to yourself, stop it. Recognize that's happening, and be like,"why am I saying this? Why do I believe this? where did I learn this from?" I already said you learned it from our natural society of what we watch, what we see every single day. But just because we see it doesn't mean we have to continue that story. We get to change it. We get to create a narrative that's different and share it with other people. You'll get to be out with your other plus-sized friends that say that out loud and you get a chance to correct it and tell her,"that is none of your business. And that's probably not true. She probably met him just the way she is. He probably loves her because she's an amazing person and you need to check yourself for why you're saying that." And help other people understand that's a silly way to think, why are we putting down women like that? It's just, it's old and I guess it is just sucks that people have these thoughts in their head, and there's still so many people that have these thoughts, and again, including myself, and we're normal human beings to have judgment. We're normal to not have these perfect brains that are always happy and always excited for other people. We have shitty thoughts. That's just how life goes. The trick is catching it and solving that, and changing the narrative and doing it every single time, reframing it. Every time in your head and you say,"oh, I bet you that she was thin whenever she met him, there's no way that she would've met him when she was that size." If you have that in your head, you stop that thought. And you think,"how is that useful? How is that helping anybody? How is it helping me? How is it helping my belief of her? How is it helping the belief of myself? How do we stop this?" So stopping and thinking and catching yourself is just a huge step forward in challenging your belief and reframing your mind and reframing that thought. So what is something better and more useful to think when you see her and you say,"oh, I bet she was skinny before." You can be like,"first of all, it's none of my business. Second of all, I'm sure he loves her just as she is. I know that I can be loved just as I am after I get rid of this shitty thought in my head." Normalize the fact that you can represent the love that you want and be loved the way that you want at whatever size that you are. Like you can have love today. You don't have to have love 20 pounds from now. You don't have to wait for that. You deserve it right now. You can be pursued right now. You can be desired right now, but nobody's gonna want to pursue you and desire you when you have crappy ass thoughts like that running in your head. And if you say them out loud, you're not gonna get somebody to desire you or love you or pursue you. You've gotta clean it up, okay? When you clean up your brain, you clean up your attitude you clean up your environment. You clean up the way that you feel, your posture, your attitude in general, how you express yourself. You're willing to have conversations with people when you clean up the shitty thoughts. The only way that you're going to create the right energy and confidence and emotional connection is to start with yourself and clean that shit up. That's the energy that you wanna get rid of. We talked about spring cleaning the other day. That's what you need to spring clean. You don't need a diet from your food. You need a diet from your mind to get rid of all of that stuff. It's little baby steps, but clean it up. Following couples that do represent the love that you want, that you are looking for, give yourself those affirmations every single day and remind yourself that you're worth it every day that you can find the person that you wanna be with. Don't give yourself the opportunity to sit in that emotional spiral to take you down. You don't need to be taken down with your thoughts. When you have a chance to create thoughts that are loving and compassionate and helpful and useful for you, right? You need thoughts in your head that are gonna make you smile, that are gonna make you empowered and feel great about yourself. So catch those shitty thoughts whenever you have them and you start getting into this mental spiral and you're just in this toilet of bad thoughts. Why? You have an opportunity to not be that way. You're one thought away from having an empowered thought. So it takes practice one thought at a time, and that's all. It's just the thought and it means nothing until you decide that it means something. Until you feel something about that thought, that's what's going to make it feel real. But other than that, they're just words that are running through your head and they don't mean shit. They are just words. So detach your feelings from crappy words and stop making yourself feel crappy and start finding the thoughts and finding the words that are going to create happiness and safety and comfort and desire for yourself. cause that's the only way that you're going to turn that story around and create the one that's gonna be useful and helpful for you. So tell me, have you been that person that had that thought? We're in the space right now to acknowledge that we've had that thought in our head. Say, it's okay. Remind yourself that doesn't have to be true. And remind yourself that we're in a time that we need to support each other as women and lift each other up as much as we can. So how can we take a pause, forgive ourselves for that thought and reframe it into something powerful. How can we change that little judgy face that you probably have when you're looking at that couple and instead smile and just give her a look that she can see in her head.'cause we know we read each other's minds that says,"you go girl." How can you do that and make somebody's day, including your own, instead of having a shitty thought, right?'cause it's not helping anybody. So I hope that makes sense and I hope that it's one step closer for you to catch those thoughts that aren't helping you and creating something that is useful. Remind yourself that girl loves herself. She is loved. She's loved exactly how she is. Love does not have a size limit. I am worthy of the love that I deserve and I can have the most abundant amount of love and I can have the healthiest relationship. Like these are things that you need to remind yourself every single day, and it might not feel true, it might not yet, but the more that you change those thoughts and you put the positive ones in there and you try to fit them in there, like a little puzzle, eventually that puzzle's gonna connect and it's going to be right, and your thoughts are gonna be in the right place. But in the meantime, when it's this scattered puzzle and you're trying different puzzle pieces until you get the right one that fits, that's how you gotta think about it as your thoughts are big pile puzzle pieces and they can either be broken and never turn into this beautiful picture and just sit there or you can start trying on the pieces. Start trying on those thoughts until they fit and until you see that beautiful picture. Okay. So I hope that this resonates with you. If it does, then do me a favor, tag me on Instagram. Share your biggest takeaway from this. If you've ever been the woman in the relationship, send me a message. I'd love to hear your story. I'd love to hear how you felt, if you could see that face of somebody judging you. How do you feel if you are the plus-size woman with the hot ass dude and you think the thought,"they all probably think I was skinny when I met him. All of these women must think that he shouldn't be with me." You know, that's a valid thought too, because if you're from one end of the spectrum and then you get that man and then you still haven't changed your thoughts. You're still not in the belief that you deserve that relationship and you're still the plus size woman that says,"I'm not good enough because I'm not skinny." I wanna hear your story. As always, thank you for being here and thank you for listening. Thanks for being honest with yourself and for doing the work. And remember that you're lovable and you're valuable and you're so damn worthy right now. You're worthy right now. Today, you are worthy. Thank you so much and I'll talk to you next time. Bye.